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Olympic Pool Cleared Out Due to Floating Turd

Swimming events at London 2012's Aquatics Centre were halted today when lifeguards spotted a floater in Lane 6 during the 100m butterfly. "At first I thought maybe it was ... Continue Reading →
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The Internal Monologues of Dressage Horses

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U.S. Women’s Gymnastics Team Inspires Tiny, Muscular Girls Across the Nation

The U.S. women's gymnastics team took gold in the team competition on Tuesday night, achieving their lifelong dreams and inspiring a whole new generation of miniature girls with ... Continue Reading →
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London 2012 Medal Count is Not Surprising At All

Speed helps in every sport. Continue Reading →
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Summer Olympics Pickup Lines

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Olympic Gymnast Needs a Little Privacy

Having a rib removed is cheating in the sport of gymnastics masturbation. Continue Reading →
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NBC Decides to Hold News That London Has Been Destroyed by a Giant Dragon

While media organizations the world over today clamored to cover perhaps the most amazing news story in history — the total destruction of the city of London by a giant, fire-breathing ... Continue Reading →
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Foreign Person Wins Olympic Medal

The good mood at the London 2012 Olympics was tempered a bit today when a person who isn't from your country won a medal. "I didn't care to see that all," said ... Continue Reading →
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Elton John and John Denver Fight in the Greatest Boxing Match Ever

Elton John should probably win this. Continue Reading →
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German Cycling Quads

Finding jeans must be a bitch. Continue Reading →
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Coach Admires Gymnastics Butt

It’s why he got into the sport. Continue Reading →
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Being a Gymnastics Parent Looks Exhausting

Don't ruin your parents' lives, kid. Continue Reading →
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Italian Swimmer is Terrifying Freak

Drown it! Continue Reading →
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USA Wins Gold Medal for Coolest Fencing Mask

Although that may really motivate America-hating opponents. Continue Reading →
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Why Every Nation in the Olympics Sucks

A Afghanistan – You repeatedly defeat invading forces because your country is an inhospitable hellscape. Congratulations. Except for the fact that you live in an inhospitable ... Continue Reading →
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The Real Reason for Michael Phelps’ Decline

Subway destroyed his poo. Continue Reading →

How do you feel about tape delayed coverage of the Olympics?

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Beloved American Hero LeBron James Set to Lead USA Basketball at the Olympics

USA Basketball team members say the love and support from 300 million Americans back home will help them in their quest to win gold at the London Games. "We have worked hard and ... Continue Reading →