"We were hoping this would be the Olympics that would do it, but just one glance at the front page of the newspaper this morning showed me that the entire world is going to hell in a handbasket," Ban Ki-moon, Secretary-General of the United Nations. "We're completely fked."
While the interlocking Olympic rings represent the unity of all nations and the Games' fortnight is to halt war across the world, most feel the Olympics just motivate humans to kill each other more.
"All the Olympics does is promote nationalism and cause a lot of murderous and genocidal rage to get pent up until the Games are over, upon which all that explodes in bloodshed and actual explosions the moment the cauldron is extinguished," said IOC president Jacques Rogge. "But, hey, the idea of the Olympics is nice even if it doesn't work in practice."
"I get stopped all the time on the street and people are like: 'Ohmigod! You are that girl who does the face! Do it! Do it! Do it!" said Maroney. "And I do it. I'm happy to be famous for something. But there is actually much more to me than just the face that earned me my moment of fame."
When not making her face, Maroney works as a gymnast, flipping and tumbling around the non-face parts of her body, remarkably, are what she has spent most of her life training.
"I'm kind of good actually," says Maroney. "I was in the Olympics for it and everything. It was pretty great."
And that's where the meme girl's story gets even more remarkable: it turns out the infamous "not impressed" photo was taken at the Olympics, an athletics festival held every four years, after she failed to win a gold medal.
"Strange but true," said Maroney, laughing. "It was on national TV, too. On tape delay. But it was still on. If you track the history of the meme, it actually goes back to the Olympics when they were held in London. Amazing, right?"
Playlist August's Funniest Sports Videos
Do not question effective training techniques.
This is basically just synchronized swimming.
She would pull the ball on Charlie Brown and then beat him to death with it.
In wrestling, it's legal to grab someone by the unibrow.
"Hosting the Olympics usually loses money for the host city and country," said London 2012 chairman Sebastian Coe. "So we hit on the idea of having a yard sale to get rid of all this random sports equipment we have no use for anymore. I'm hoping we can raise maybe as much as $2,000. It would make a nice dent in our bills."
Throughout downtown London and outside each Olympic venue, tables and blankets are now filled with sports equipment. While mainstream items like basketballs and tennis balls are available, shoppers are also picking through rhythmic gymnastics balls, ribbons and hoops, water polo goals, handball balls, synchronized swimming makeup and whatever those weird, bendy swords are that they use in the one fencing event.
"If you want equipment for sports that almost no one plays at a great price, you have to get to London," said Coe. "Look at this umm thing over here here for two pounds. It's maybe a water polo helmet or something. I don't know. It might make a nice planter. What do you say? One pound. Take the whole box."