As though Little Leaguers don't cry easily already.
Fans at the Games
LLWS: Several thousands baseball fans from around the world.
Your Little League: Several screaming parents and that one creepy neighborhood guy who always hung out at the neighborhood playground.
LLWS: 6-4-3 double play
Your Little Leaugue: 6-4-9-2-7-5-into the dugout-6-8-1-2-1-2-5-4-3 two runs score and and everyone is safe
The Fat Kid
Your Little League: Is 5-foot-1, doesn't fit into his uniform and gets winded when attempting to field a grounder.
LLWS: Is 6-foot-3, has a full mustache and hits home runs on check swings.
LLWS: Premium blue fescue turf.
Your Little League: Crab grass and rocks, with a huge puddle in right field.
He's Little League Palazzo.
Soooooooo a strike, then?
Frank Drebin lives!
He makes crying after a strikeout fun!
Opinion The 7 Players on Every LLWS Team
#1 The Crier
He was a valuable member of the team all tournament season. But now that they have advanced to the Little League World Series and are playing before thousands of people every game and millions more on ESPN, his little pre-teen emotions can't handle it.
If he falls down a strike, he starts to tear up. Two strikes and he's openly weeping. Even if he gets ahead in the count, he starts to cry because Ohmigod! I'm in a hitter's count! That's more pressure to produce!
Thankfully, The Crier's awful performance usually cuts into his playing time, because no one wants to see a 12-year-old kid piss his pants on national television. Actually, no. That would be hilarious. Keep him in there, coach!
#2 The Giant Power Hitter
This is one freakishly enormous kid. He towers over everyone else on the team and has had his birth certificate questioned by opposing coaches more than Barack Obama's birth certificate is questioned on right wing message boards.
The Giant Power Hitter always plays first base, but it's the only time he spends on first because when he makes contact with the baseball it's always a home run. It's no stretch to imagine this kid as a future major league star except for the fact that he's just a kid with early-onset puberty who, in five years, will be cut from his varsity team for being too small.