Video World's Most Awesome Little League Coach
He makes crying after a strikeout fun!
Opinion The 7 Players on Every LLWS Team
#1 — The Crier
He was a valuable member of the team all tournament season. But now that they have advanced to the Little League World Series and are playing before thousands of people every game and millions more on ESPN, his little pre-teen emotions can’t handle it.
If he falls down a strike, he starts to tear up. Two strikes and he’s openly weeping. Even if he gets ahead in the count, he starts to cry because — Ohmigod! I’m in a hitter’s count! That’s more pressure to produce!
Thankfully, The Crier’s awful performance usually cuts into his playing time, because no one wants to see a 12-year-old kid piss his pants on national television. Actually, no. That would be hilarious. Keep him in there, coach!
#2 — The Giant Power Hitter
This is one freakishly enormous kid. He towers over everyone else on the team and has had his birth certificate questioned by opposing coaches more than Barack Obama’s birth certificate is questioned on right wing message boards.
The Giant Power Hitter always plays first base, but it’s the only time he spends on first because when he makes contact with the baseball it’s always a home run. It’s no stretch to imagine this kid as a future major league star — except for the fact that he’s just a kid with early-onset puberty who, in five years, will be cut from his varsity team for being too small.
Opinion 6 Charts Explaining the LLWS
Picture Chula Vista, California players celebrate finishing their LLWS game in time to catch the 9:30 p.m. showing of "G.I. Joe."
News "Little League 09: The Life- To Feature Chores, Cooties, Other Video Games
Thanks to the success of last year’s Little League Baseball World Series 2008 for the Nintendo Wii, Activision is set to release its updated version of the game for the Wii, PS3 and Xbox 360 – Little League Baseball 09: The Life.
“Little League Baseball 09: The Life has the same great game play of last year’s game,” said head designer Jay Bowman, “but with the added benefit of experiencing the cripplingly awkward life of a 10, 11 and 12-year old off the field, too. The pained social interactions, the saturation of horrible pop music and movies, the ugly, ill-fitting clothes, even the occasional surprise erection – this game has it all.”
But it’s not all just the embarrassments of life that are featured in Little League Baseball 09: The Life. The monotony of daily life also gets its due. Avatars may not play a game until they first complete a chore for their parents: taking out the garbage, emptying the dishwasher, cleaning their room or the like. And each chore is conducted in real time. You receive an allowance for the work, but it’s only the minimal income received by a pre-teen – so only enough to buy crap like a stupid t-shirt or a poster or something like that.
Perhaps the most prominent feature of the game is Girl Mode. Depending on the age and maturity of an avatar, players are either grossed out by girls or, if sexually interested, can engage in ham-handed make-out sessions with girls, replete with bad breath and braces. If players rack up enough points, they can even unlock a gay or bi-curious mode that is played during trips to baseball camp.
“There’s something for everyone,” said Bowman. “Although I should warn you, if anyone above the age of 13 plays Girl Mode, the police will show up at your door within an hour.”
But without a doubt, the best part of the game is the mode that allows you to play a whole ton of video games — just as any 10-12-year old loves to do.
“In all honesty, the baseball part of our game — who cares, am I right?” said Bowman. “Why play Little League when there are a bunch of other baseball games on the market. But with this game you can also play all kinds of other cool games on the living room floor of your avatar’s home. Or, even better, you can have your avatar go over to the house of an avatar friend with bad parents and play Grand Theft Auto.”
