Opinion Fun with Kobe Bryant's Mask
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"I've pretty much seen Kobe from afar my whole career," said new Lakers coach Mike Brown. "And he's just a shell of what he used to be, in my opinion. I mean, remember a few years ago when he had 81 points in a game? He only had 48 the other night. Forty-eight! It was sad to watch. Like seeing Willie Mays drop fly balls in the outfield for the Mets."
Former Lakers teammate Lamar Odom was dealt to the Mavericks before the start of the season and says it was a blessing.
"Kobe is my friend. We've battled together for championships," said Odom. "But I don't have the courage to be by him every day, watching him waste away. I just don't. It would be too hard to stomach."
Bryant leads the NBA in scoring at 30.3 points per game, but it's only the third-highest scoring average in his career.
"Numbers can be misleading," said Shaquille O'Neal, Bryant's longtime Lakers teammate. "His performances now are like when a dead body seizes a few times before the final light goes out. Kobe is probably the worst best player in the NBA ever."
Kobe and Chris Paul would have made a great couple.
"At the 5-year and 10-year reunion, I was the life of the party the coolest guy in the room. The guy everyone wanted to see and say hello to," said Bryant. "But, man, a lot has changed since then. I went from the highest of highs to not even having a job. It's humiliating."
Bryant says he knows a lot of the people at the reunion will want to revel in his misfortune.
"You know how high school people are," he said. "They're happy to know you when you're riding high, but they'll stab you in the back if things go south. Everyone is going to want to see jobless Kobe Bryant so they can feel better about themselves and gossip about how I peaked too early in my life. Well, I'm not going to give them that opportunity."
Instead of going to the reunion, scheduled for 8:00 p.m. on Friday at Smithwick's Pub, Bryant said he is just going to bunker down at his mom's house and watch TV.
"I just want to eat ice cream and get fat," said Bryant. "My life sucks."
Looks like Landon Donovan is out of a job.
"It was a mistake and I'm obviously really sorry," said Brown. "Thankfully, my secretary was able to dump the water cooler on him and quickly put him out. These are the sort of initial problems you have when you start a new job."
The brief burning of franchise player brings more concern about a hiring many Lakers fans and NBA experts found to be questionable and rushed. But general manager Mitch Kupchak isn't ready to pull the plug just yet.
"I'm still gathering all of the details on exactly what happened," said Kupchak. "Supposedly Mike thought his computer was over-heating, so he panicked and decided to start a fire under his desk as a way to balance out the heat in the room or something? And that was when Kobe stopped by. I realize it doesn't look good, but I hope we can all laugh at this one day and say it was all up from here."
Picture Kobe Bryant is Not a Homophobe
Homophile, yes. Homophobe, no. (via Sportress of Blogitude)