Opinion Kevin Garnett's 10 Sexiest Breakfast Cereals
#10 – Rice Krispies
Hearing Rice Kripsies snap, crackle and pop in a bowl of milk is nice. But you haven't really heard them snap, crackle and pop until you've heard them do it in the juices of lovemaking.
#9 – Kashi
Ever eat Kashi? That shit's nasty. Yeah, nasty. I like it nasty.
#8 – Puffed Rice
It doesn't matter how much Puffed Rice you have, it's not enough. It doesn't satiate your hunger. You just want more. Puffed Rice is doin' it. Get it? Yeah. Sex and Puffed Rice are two things I always want more of.
#7 – Trix
Trix are for kids? Hell, no. Not the way I use them. Trix are very adult.
Video Kevin Garnett Snubs Ray Allen, Remains a Terrible Person
He's the meanest old man in his neighborhood.
News Kevin Garnett Rips Jason Terry for Being a Traitor to the Mavericks
Boston signed Terry in mid-July to replace Ray Allen who left to join the Miami Heat.
"I am nothing if not consistent with my hatreds and grudges," snarled Garnett. "I already made it clear how I felt about Ray. How is Jason any different, any better? He won a championship in Dallas, and then two years later he leaves because he thinks he has a better opportunity elsewhere? Nah, f—k that. And f—k him. I can't play with a man I can't trust."
Garnett's declaration on the day of Boston's season opener leaves head coach Doc Rivers with some lineup problems.
Video Boston Mayor Loves Boston Stars KJ and Hondo
Politics no longer attracts people who are wicked smaht.
News Kevin Garnett: "Is it cool if I just glare at people instead of running back on defense?"
"I honestly don't know how many more times I can run up and down the court," said Garnett. "At least not without a rest in between. It's like, 90-something feet, I think. And they want you to do it over and over and over again."
Garnett, a 17-year NBA veteran, says he is confident he can intimidate the man he is guarding while sitting in the lane, waiting for the Celtics to return on offense.
"I've been perfecting my glare for almost 20 years," he said, going into an elaborate glaring, screaming and flexing routine that lasted nearly five minutes. "My glare can bore a hole right through the back of a man's head. Even from 90-feet away, which is where I will be sitting or, more likely, laying."
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Kevin Garnett's defense is a cancer to his team and the entire league.
Picture Kevin Garnett Gives a Woman a Lap Dance
Unrelated question: why does Kevin Garnett carry his wallet in his uniform shorts?
News Celtics Dedicate NBA Finals to Memory of Kevin Garnett
The Boston Celtics dedicated their victory in Game 2 of the NBA Finals to former teammate and longtime NBA star Kevin Garnett, who recently passed away due to age-related causes.
"This is what Kevin would have wanted," said shooting guard Ray Allen, wiping away tears. "I just wish he could have been here to see it. I hope he knows, wherever he is, that we're playing for him."
Allen scored 32 points, including 27 in the first half, to lead the Celtics past the Lakers.
"I am 34 years old," said Allen. "A whole year older than Kevin Garnett was when he passed on. There but for the grace of God go I, you know? So if my time is short, I want to make the most of every game and play in the memory of those who are no longer with us."
The Celtics plan to play the remainder of the series with a black band on their jerseys in honor of Garnett and will also honor him before Game 3 at TD Garden by unnecessarily screaming and scowling at things in a pre-game ceremony.
The team also honored Garnett by inserting 6 points, 4 rebounds and 5 fouls into the Game 2 box score under his name.
"I just wish it could have been more," said head coach Doc Rivers. "Well, points and rebounds, at least. The fouls could have been less."
Following the game, teammates lit candles in their longtime teammate's locker.
"Hey, who the f—k lit candles in my locker?!" yelled Garnett, emerging from the shower. "I'm gonna kick somebody's ass!"
"It's almost like he's still here among us," said Allen. "You can feel his presence."
