Unable to think of an effective game plan for Kansas City’s upcoming game against the Bengals, Chiefs head coach Todd Haley decided to just tell his team today that the outcome of the game will come down to who wants it more.
“It’s that simple, men,” said Haley. “The team that goes out onto that field and gives it their all will win the game. The team that holds something back and doesn’t lay it on the line? They will lose. It's not complicated.”
Haley then walked out of the locker room and took a four-hour nap in his office. But his message worked.
“Coach knows what he’s talking about,” said quarterback Matt Cassel. “This is our fifteenth game of the season. There’s nothing new we can put into the game plan. No, this will be all about desire. What a great coach.”
“I think they bought it,” said Haley. “Which is outstanding. Because now I pretty much have the rest of the week off and I can finish my Christmas shopping.”
Haley said he briefly considered trying to come up with a unique approach to playing the first place Bengals, but quickly realized it would be too much work.
“I've tried that before this season and we've only gotten crushed,” he said. “Do you have any idea the time it would take to watch all their game film, just to find one or two ways we can tweak our approach or to discover where they might have a weakness? No, thank you. This is my first year on the job and I'm exhausted. A coach can only do so much. It’s on them now.”
Linebacker Tamba Hali says the team won't let Haley down.
“He is putting his faith in us,” said Hali. “So we have to dig even deeper, give 120-percent. It will be a battle of wills. Wooooo!”
Haley isn't worried.
“Hey, the pressure is off of me,” he said. “If we lose, I can just say that they didn’t execute the game plan. I’m golden either way.”
AVOID: Larry Johnson, RB, Bengals Johnson is tempting for anyone who is a fantasy football veteran. For a time in the middle of the decade he was one of the top fantasy guys in the NFL. But that was several years, battered women and homophobic slurs ago. In the last three seasons combined, Johnson has gained only 1,810 yards after running for more than 1,700 in both 2005 and 2006.
Granted, the new Bengals running back seems to be motivated to play his old team, at least. In fact, he posted this on his Facebook page on Monday: "Gonna gallop all over the Chiefs. Cleat prints on the chests. Mud in the face masks."
Cincinnati plays Kansas City on December 27th.
And don't think he won't gallop all over you, Chiefs. Larry Johnson's yards per carry these days is about the exact length of a human body. He may never get off of you.
AVOID: Chris Chambers, WR, Chiefs Last monday Chris Chambers was released by the Chargers. Tuesday he was claimed by the Chiefs. And then on Sunday he caught two touchdown passes in Kansas City's loss to the Jaguars. Quite a week.
Can we expect more of this from Chris Chambers? Despite his sub-par numbers over a now 9-year NFL career, Chambers has long tempted fantasy football owners. Consider his Fantasy Files commercial:
Whoops. I'm sorry. Wrong video. That was footage from the future showing how many catches Chambers will have the rest of this season.