April 25, 2013

News Chiefs Apologize After 6-Team Deal Leaves Them Without Any Draft Picks

6Team Deal Leaves Chiefs Without Any Draft Picks - Image 1
"Ah, crap."

That was Andy Reid's reaction when informed of Kansas City's final take in a six-team trade that saw the Chiefs trade the No. 1 overall pick in the 2013 NFL Draft.

"How did this happen," asked the Chiefs head coach to the rest of the front office staff. "I thought we had two first rounders and three second rounders out of this?"

No one had an explanation. An intern named Kevin eventually piped up.

"It looks like early on in the trade we did have those picks, but then they were moved on to complete other aspects of the six-team deal as were all of our other picks in every other round," said Kevin. "And we forgot to get anything back except … it looks like a 7th rounder in 2015 from the Falcons."

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Filed Under   NFL   Kansas City Chiefs   2013 NFL Draft
April 24, 2013

News Report: Chiefs to Trade No. 1 Overall Pick Just to Ruin All the Mock Drafts

According to several reports, the Kansas City Chiefs plan to trade down in the 2013 NFL Draft and give up the No. 1 overall pick.

"I don't know if this is the best thing for the team to do exactly," said head coach Andy Reid. "I mainly just want to take a big dump on all the idiots who have been doing mock drafts for months. What a bunch of losers, am I right?"

The Chiefs have yet to settle on the specific deal.

"We have a lot of teams who are interested in the trade because they obviously want to get in on making the draft prognosticators look like stupid assholes," said Reid. "We'll probably pick the deal that messes up the draft order the most. A five or six-team deal would be pretty awesome."

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Filed Under   NFL   Kansas City Chiefs   2013 NFL Draft
April 2, 2013

News Chiefs Leak Photos of Them Making Out with Geno Smith

Chiefs Leak Photos of Them Making Out with Geno Smith - Image 1
The Kansas City Chiefs today leaked photos of team management with Geno Smith at a Kansas City night club, including several shots that appear to show them all making out.

"What can I say, we really like Geno Smith," said Andy Reid. "We are seriously considering drafting him with the No. 1 overall pick. One thing just seems to be leading to another. There's definite chemistry there."

Yet most NFL general managers see the photos as just the latest effort by the franchise to trick another team into trading up for Kansas City's No. 1 pick, fearing the Chiefs will take Smith — even though they just acquired Alex Smith from the 49ers.

"There's no way they take Geno Smith No. 1 overall," said Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly. "That said, snuggling with him at a nightclub seems pretty extreme if they're not serious. Maybe they just like him so much they feel they can't pass him up at No. 1. This is tough. You know, maybe we should trade up."

Smith claims the photos are Photoshopped.

"I met with them, but I told them I wasn't interested," he said. "I realize every player dreams of being the No. 1 overall pick. But if that dream involves the Kansas City Chiefs? No. No one dreams of that."

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February 27, 2013

News 49ers Trade Alex Smith and Colin Kaepernick to the Chiefs Just to Torture Smith

49ers Continue to Torture Alex Smith by Trading Him and Colin Kaepernick to the Chiefs - Image 1
The San Francisco 49ers today dealt Alex Smith to the Kansas City Chiefs in exchange for a second-round pick in the 2013 draft and a conditional mid-round pick in 2014. The team also included Colin Kaepernick in the deal with the Chiefs.

"Yes! I can't wait to play for the Chiefs!" Smith exclaimed when told of the trade.

"Son of a BITCH," he added, when informed of the full details of trade.

San Francisco head coach Jim Harbaugh said the deal was just too good to pass up.

"It was completely worth it for the look on Alex's face when I told him he was traded to the Chiefs — he was so excited — only to then tell him that Colin was going, too," said Harbaugh. "I will never forget the look of joy to complete depression in a moment. So hilarious. It made my day."

Harbaugh admits that including his young starting quarterback in the trade will likely hurt his team in the short-run.

"But, hey, we didn't win the Super Bowl with Colin anyway, so I felt that screwing with Alex like this would be the perfect way to get us over that loss and get us laughing and having fun again," said the coach. "And it was. Seriously, you should have seen the look on Alex's face. I hope someone got a picture of it. Priceless."

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February 08, 2013

Picture Sweet Kansas Chiefs Skull Tattoo

He must have a good and respected job.

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Filed Under   NFL   Kansas City Chiefs
January 04, 2013

Video Andy Reid Fat Joke on SportsCenter

Breaking: Andy Reid's chair.

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December 17, 2012

News Kansas City Chiefs Announce They're Becoming a Rec League Rugby Team

Kansas City Chiefs Announce Theyre Becoming a Rec League Rugby Team - Image 1
The Kansas City Chiefs announced today the franchise will no longer be a professional football organization, but instead will be the name of a team in the KC Metro Rec Rugby League.

"Look, it obviously wasn't an easy decision," said team chairman Clark Hunt, whose family has owned the franchise since 1963. "But there's no reason to fool ourselves. Football is clearly not our sport. However, we've got a lot of big, strong guys and I saw a flier about this rugby rec league at the super market and I thought, why not?"

The Chiefs will cease football operations immediately, meaning they will forfeit their final two games of the season, as they begin preparing for the rugby league which begins play in early March.

"I don't know any of the rules of rugby," said head coach Romeo Crennel. "I don't know how you score, I don't know any plays, if there are plays, I don't know if there is defense. I know absolutely nothing about the sport. So in a way, I feel just as qualified to coach rugby to this team as I do football."

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Filed Under   NFL   Kansas City Chiefs   rugby
November 26, 2012

Picture Merica: The Jersey

'Merica is, and always will be, better than the Kansas City Chiefs.

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Filed Under   NFL   Kansas City Chiefs
November 19, 2012

Picture Kansas City Chiefs are Now Killing Old Men

The Royals probably deserve some blame, too.

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Filed Under   NFL   Kansas City Chiefs
November 14, 2012

Video Chiefs Safety Eric Berry is Terrified of Horses

And the Chiefs are terrified of wins. Zing.

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Filed Under   NFL   Kansas City Chiefs   Eric Berry