News Brett Favre Holds Press Conference To Announce That Junior Seau is Unretiring
Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre announced today that longtime NFL linebacker Junior Seau is unretiring again to play for the New England Patriots. Favre made the announcement at a press conference held minutes after the quarterback heard the news on ESPN.
"This wasn't an easy decision for me," said Favre. "I thought long and hard about it and consulted my family. But in the end I realized that I love having press conferences and want to take any opportunity I can to get my face and name on television."
Seau retired from the San Diego Chargers in 2006 only to suit up with the Patriots that season. He came out of retirement again last year to play for New England.
"Junior keeps unretiring, but I'm the one who does that the most. Let's make that clear," said Favre. "When you talk about unretiring athletes, always mention my name first. That's the point of why I asked you all hear today. Don't let him bump me out of the press. And I'm at least playing full seasons. Junior isn't. And I'm 40. He's not. Oh? He is? Dangit. Well, I'm a gunslinger. What is he — a tackleslinger? That's not a thing."
With his Seau press conference at a close, Favre then began taking press conference requests from the gathered media.
"Do any of you need me to announce anything for you? An engagement? A car that's for sale? Anything at all?" said Favre. "I'd be happy to. Just make sure my name is in the headline."
Peter King of Sports Illustrated said this is the sort of things that makes the media so enamored with Favre.
"He held a press conference just to announce that they were out of dulce de leche coffee creamer in the media room," said King. "And he did it for me out of the goodness of his heart and for no other reason other than his heart's all-consuming desire for attention, as well as a promise from me that I would stroke him in my column for the remainder of the season. And I will. The creamer was refilled!"
News Bulls are provoked by the color red and linebackers who constantly unretire
I don't know what caused this bull to try to kill Junior Seau.
Maybe he doesn't like the Patriots. Understandable.
Maybe he doesn't like players who can't stay retired. Also understandable. (Although I'd prefer Brett Favre be the target of a nice goring over Seau.)
Or maybe he just hates extremely dated hairstyles. Also understandable.
And if that's the case, Derek Jeter should be taking a horn through the torso any day now. (Don't get excited, A-Rod. A fade with frosted tips isn't exactly the most current 'do either. You've got a goring coming, too.)
