Filed Under » Jose Canseco

Mark McGwire’s admission brings further clarity to baseball’s steroids era, which also pushes it farther into the past.

Great for baseball.

Not so great for Jose Canseco’s publishing career. He authored two books — “Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant ‘Roids, Smash Hits, and How Baseball Got Big” and “Vindicated: Big Names, Big Liars, And the Battle to Save Baseball” — that exposed much of the steroid era. But now that everything is exposed, he’s struggling to come up with new exposes.

Witness Canseco’s latest book proposals making the rounds at publishing houses …

“Juice: Wild Flavors, Rampant Sugar, Smashable Boxes: How Walt Weiss Got Hydrated”

Summary: That tiny shortstop downed juice box after juice box. You have any idea how much sugar and preservatives are in those things? They’re not healthy. Just like steroids.

“Flaming Gallego: Playing With a Homosexual”

Summary: “LL” in Spanish makes a “y” sound. So Mike Gallego, the former A’s second baseman, was — in a way — trying to hide that he had “Gay” in his name. Also, I often saw him slap men’s butts out on the field, in addition to repeatedly showering with men. Obviously, he was gay. It’s time the world knows.

“Ozzie: An Expose”

Summary: My twin brother Ozzie Canseco, a former major leaguer, used to pee in his bed sometimes when we were little kids. He also hid a few times and watched our mom get changed, but made me promise I’d never tell anyone. So much for that.

“Juicedicated: Wild Names, Rampant Liars, and How Baseball Battled to Save Big”

Summary: This book just re-arranges the words and paragraphs in my first two books, combines them into one manuscript and then sells it to the public as though it’s new.

“War and Peace (and STEROIDS!)”

Summary: Using the magic of the Find/Replace function I switch out every mention of the word “guns” in Leo Tolstoy’s classic with “steroids”. Boom. Masterpiece.

“Lies I Made Up for Money”

Summary: These are lies I made up for money.