"Johnny kicked ass," said Ryan. "I'd play Halo with him any day. A-plus."
By successfully completing a Halo 4 mission, Manziel earns three credits from Texas A&M towards his 12-credit, learn-at-home spring course load. He previously completed his final exams in three other courses: NCAA Football 13, Papa John's Pizza Ordering and an independent research study on the effects of sleeping past 11 a.m. on the human body. His final bit of work for the spring semester is due tomorrow.
"I have to write a 140-character paper on how cool it is to meet famous people," said the quarterback. "I submit it by tweet."
He held the Heisman Trophy above his head as he ran across the stage, exiting stage right. Seconds later, a phalanx of topless young women ran across the stage in pursuit of Manziel.
"Johnny Manziel, ladies and gentlemen," commissioner Roger Goodell said, barely skipping a beat, after the models exited the stage. "What a kid, huh?"
NFL officials had reportedly been alerted before the draft that Manziel was partying in New York City Thursday night for a paper he is working for school called "Partying in New York City on the Night of the 2013 NFL Draft" and that an incident could occur.
News Johnny Manziel Signs 5-Year, $150 Million Deal with Dallas Cowboys Because He Can Do Whatever He Wants
Manziel is technically not even eligible for the NFL draft until next year, let alone unrestricted free agency, and this year's free agents are not allowed to be signed until next week, but NFL commissioner Roger Goodell said the deal is approved.
"It's Johnny Manziel. Who's going to say no to him? What a guy," said Goodell. "Plus, it wasn't really up to me to turn it down anyway. Johnny called me up and told me how it was going to be."
Despite signing with the Cowboys, Manziel retains his college eligibility under the deal for as long as he wants it.
"I figure I'll play some college ball on Saturday, have some fun in College Station on Saturday night, then fly to Dallas or wherever Sunday morning to play for the Cowboys," said Manziel. "I think I'm at the age where I'm ready for this. I can't still be partying on Sunday afternoons anymore."
Manziel said he is also willing to join his Cowboys teammates on Saturday night if there is a big game or "if they're playing in Miami or New Orleans or some place like that."
The deal also gives Manziel courtside seats to every NBA game, access to Hollywood premieres and awards shows, and unlimited use of Kate Upton although Manziel insists "trust me, I already have that."
Maybe parts of them are fake.
Bob Stoops is a bad sport.
He is going to use his Heisman to play with his action figures.
Perhaps he was just floored by the greatness of Johnny Football.