Unfortunately he's a goalie.
A hush went over the Bell Centre crowd last night when Montreal Canadiens goalie Jaroslav Halak's mask was removed, revealing the goaltender's face for the first time in his life.
During a stoppage in play late in the third period with the Canadiens leading Pittsburgh, 4-2, Penguins star Sidney Crosby skated up behind Halak and suddenly and dramatically tore the mask from Halak's face, revealing it to the fans in the arena and millions more watching on TV.
"He has developed such a legendary reputation in these playoffs," said Crosby. "I thought showing everyone his true identity would remove some of that mystique or at least let us know what sort of being we are working against."
Stories have circulated about Halak since he led the No. 8 seeded Canadiens to a first-round upset of Alexander Ovechkin and the Washington Capitals.
"I heard he wears that mask because he got a severe burn as a child," said Penguins center Jordan Staal. "And so he hid his horrid face behind a mask and spent 20 hours a day practicing goalie."
"I hear he's an alien," said Penguins defenseman Sergei Gonchar.
"I hear he's nothing but smoke," said Penguins center Evgeni Malkin. "Smoke sent from the underworld."
But it turns out none of the rumors were true. After the Bell Centre crowd and the players on the ice covered their eyes with the initial shock of seeing Halak unmasked, they slowly took a good look at him.
"It turns out he's just a regular guy," said Crosby. "Kind of Eastern European-looking. But very pale and weak-looking and mousey. In a way it makes our inability to score on him even more humiliating. I wish I hadn't unmasked him."