January 15, 2013

Opinion Application for the Jacksonville Jaguars Head Coach Position

Application for the Jacksonville Jaguars Head Coach Position - Image 1
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Filed Under   NFL   Jacksonville Jaguars
December 05, 2012

Picture One Thing All Americans Agree On: Mark Sanchez is Terrible

His awfulness unites us all.

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October 25, 2012

News Warren Moon Says Criticism of Blaine Gabbert is Not Racially Motivated: "He just sucks"

Warren Moon Says Criticism of Blaine Gabbert is Not Racially Motivated: He just sucks  - Image 1
Hall of Fame quarterback Warren Moon sprang to the defense of embattled second-year Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton this week, saying that much of the criticism directed at Newton has racial overtones. Moon also attempted to draw a contrast and show he doesn't throw charges of racism around lightly by comparing Newton to other quarterbacks.

"Cam isn't the only second-year quarterback in the NFL being criticized," said Moon. "Look at Blaine Gabberd or Glabber or whatever his name is. That disaster playing quarterback for the Jaguars. That guy sucks major ass and people are saying he sucks major ass. And it has nothing to do with the color of his skin. White, black, red, yellow, purple – it wouldn't matter. He's completely worthless and that fact is being acknowledged independent of race."

If there's any racial tones in play with Gabbert, said Moon, it would be that "maybe because he is white, he doesn't get criticized enough for how awful he is."

"You could dump on that guy 24 hours a day and still you wouldn't get to all the ways he sucks," said Moon. "That said, I don't necessarily think he's being mocked to a lesser degree because he is white. It's more that people don't want to be rude and overdo it. Not only is the guy talentless, he plays for the Jacksonville Jaguars. How much scorn does one person deserve, even if that person is as shitty at quarterback as Blake Zabbard is? I mean, okay, we've established the guy blows. What more can really be said?"

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September 13, 2012

Opinion Transcript of the "Mike Mularkey Show"

[Musical intro, mixed with play-by-play calls]

  1. Announcer

    Welcome to the Mike Mularkey Show on the Jaguars Radio Network. Join head coach Mike Mularkey and Brian Sexton, voice of the Jaguars, for the latest news and information on your Jacksonville Jaguars — straight from the head coach. The Mike Mularkey Show is brought to you by … we still have no sponsors. Now let's get the show started. Here is Brian Sexton.

    Transcript of the Mike Mularkey Show - Image 1

  2. Sexton

    Good evening. Welcome to The Mike Mularkey Show. Coach Mularkey, how are you doing tonight?

  3. Mularkey

    I'm good, Brian. So we're actually doing this, huh?

  4. Sexton

    Yes we are, coach. All the other NFL franchises have coaches shows, so we thought we should do one, too. It makes us seem more like a real team.

  5. Mularkey

    But no one is listening, is that correct?

  6. Sexton

    Yes, sir. You are correct. We don't have any sponsors so we couldn't afford to do a real show. Also, there is no such thing as the Jaguars Radio Network. Maybe one day. But we're not there yet.

  7. Mularkey

    We don't have even one radio station? That announcer guy in the open sounded real.

  8. Sexton

    Not a traditional station, no. However, if you stand close enough to the stadium on a game day, you can hear the public address announcer. And that was me doing my low announcer's voice. See? LIKE THIS.

  9. Mularkey

    Ah.

  10. Sexton

    Plus, it's your first year here and it's not exactly like you're a big name – no offense – so probably no one would listen anyway. Well, let's get the show rolling and talk about the Week 1 game against the Vikings. Tough loss. Overtime loss. But what are some positives to take out of the game?

  11. Mularkey

    Well, I thought we saw Blaine Gabbert make some progre- … wait. Why are we doing this? If no one is listening and we don't have a radio station, I feel like I'm wasting my time.

  12. Sexton

    It's not a waste of time, coach. I have this tape recorder here. Every word you're saying is being captured. We never know, someone could want to hear it one day. We get all kinds of strange requests. Just last week someone called the office about season tickets. It was nuts.

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Filed Under   NFL   media   Jacksonville Jaguars   Mike Mularkey
September 12, 2012

Opinion The Tickets Sales Approaches of 6 Awful NFL Teams

#1 – The Support Group Approach

How 8 Awful NFL Teams Try to Sell Tickets - Image 1

Be there. Together. Because if you're alone and watch this team, well … let's not even think about it.

Their ticket number probably doubles as a suicide hotline.

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From Ross Snow / August 30, 2012

News Maurice Jones-Drew Reportedly Holding Out To Steal Himself In Fantasy Drafts

Maurice JonesDrew Reportedly Holding Out To Steal Himself In Fantasy Drafts  - Image 1
Sources reported Wednesday night that Jacksonville Jaguars star running back Maurice Jones-Drew has not been holding out all preseason in protest of a new contract, but rather in an apparent attempt to steal himself in fantasy football drafts.

Jones-Drew, the 2011 NFL rushing leader, learned of fantasy football last season and reportedly became quickly "obsessed" with the online sport.

"Maurice is a fierce competitor. No matter what he's doing," said Jaguars center, Brad Meester, who introduced the Jaguars running back to the game. "Whether he's on the field running over linebackers or on a computer making really solid waiver claims, he's playing to win."

Jones-Drew entered this fantasy season ranked fifth among all players — behind just Arian Foster, Ray Rice, LeSean McCoy and Aaron Rodgers — but the holdout has dropped his draft position closer to the end of the first round, sometimes into the second. The drop in rankings is a positive one for Jones-Drew who is reported to hold late picks in many of his leagues.

"It's all about value," said ESPN fantasy analyst, Matthew Berry. "With others avoiding him due to holdout concerns, he'll be able to draft himself late in the first and perhaps a top 4 quarterback early in the second. If what's being reported is actually true, it's a very smart move for Maurice Jones-Drew."

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October 25, 2011

Picture Ravens Eat Worms, Claims Jaguars Fan

The Jaguars have fans AND great fan signs? Amazing. I am amazed.

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October 25, 2011

Picture DirecTV Knows That Ravens-Jaguars is Amateur-Quality

I have the R-chip, which blocks all Ravens games.

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November 15, 2010

News 4Chan Unable to Bring Down Jacksonville Jaguars Fan Blog

Despite a scheduled attack last night on Jags-Talk.net by 4Chan users, the Jacksonville Jaguars fan blog — regarded as in the top dozen or so fan-run Jaguars blogs — is still running as normal.

"I didn't have any problems getting my game wrap posted," said Jags-Talk's founder and sole writer, John Mulhally. "And good thing, because that win over the Texans was huge."

4Chan users targeted the blog after Mulhally had expressed anger over a picture of an overweight Jaguars fan originally posted on Jags-Talk had found its way to 4Chan where the woman's appearance was being ruthlessly mocked.

"That sort of thing gives the Internet a bad name," said Mulhally. "I think the web can be an outlet for positive ideas. I still feel bad about my post earlier this year saying Jack Del Rio should be fired. I'm glad it only got 7 page views."

Those comments, which many 4Chan users described as "gay", set off last night's DDoS attack on Jags-Talk. But the site is unbowed.

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Filed Under   NFL   Jacksonville Jaguars
September 10, 2010

News Jaguars Hoping New Vampire Quarterback Will Get Them Some Fans


The Jacksonville Jaguars passed over local legend Tim Tebow in the NFL Draft, but they have signed a new player they hope will finally get some fans in the stands at Jacksonville Municipial Stadium: a real vampire.

"Vampires are the biggest thing going right now," said Jaguars general manager Gene Smith. "My daughter talks constantly about Twilight and True Blood and all those shows. Some people says it's just because she's unattractive and unpopular, but so what. We'll take any fans we can get."

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Filed Under   NFL   Jacksonville Jaguars