"We had some great times, amazing times, with Peyton," said Colts owner Jim Irsay. "But sometimes things end or something new comes along. You have to go where your heart leads you. And right now we are totally into Andrew Luck. He's the hottest quarterback to come along since, well Peyton."
Manning says he felt the Colts losing interest in him over the past nine months.
"I was going through some health issues and was unable to well, this is an intimate detail I wouldn't normally share publicly but I was unable to perform physically, let's say, in the way I have in the past," said Manning. "Yet instead of standing by me, they instantly moved on to fulfill those needs elsewhere. They showed their true colors. They showed they wanted me just for my body."
The quarterback said that a strong relationship should not crumble when the physical elements of it are removed.
"They've been with Kerry Collins, Curtis Painter, Dan Orlovsky all right in my face," said Manning. "Some of these were guys I knew and considered my friends. It was tough. And now they want to get with this young thing from California, Andrew Luck? Enough is enough. I have to respect myself. I might not be a spring chicken anymore, but I know I can still find true love with another NFL team who wants me for me."
From superstar quarterback to deli worker. Sad.
Has an entire state ever committed suicide before?
News Jim Irsay on Peyton Manning Meeting: "It's completely normal to have snipers on top of the building"
"That couldn't be more off-base," said Irsay. "I've never explicitly told anyone to take a shot at Peyton. I made sure of that. You can't find one instance of me telling them personally to shoot him in the head or in the heart or the stomach, which would be a more painful way to die, of course."
Irsay is scheduled to meet with Manning next week to discuss the quarterback's future with the team. Manning is scheduled to arrive outside the stadium and then be led through a dark tunnel area with no escape in which he will only be visible from above.
"To even imply that he will be led into a quote-unquote 'shooting gallery' is irresponsible. It's merely a dark hallway," said Irsay. "Do people sometimes get shot in hallways? Sure. But it's far from a kill zone, in which he will be completely exposed and defenseless for 13 to 16 seconds."
They play good cop, derp cop.
"Anyone who knows Peyton or watches his commercials or has seen him do 'Saturday Night Live' knows that he's just a kid at heart," said Olivia Manning, Peyton's mother. "So not being allowed to play these last months has really been hard on him. There's only so many times a boy can watch 'Transformers' and 'Iron Man.'"
After receiving a call from the doctor who had most recently checked his neck confirming his health, Peyton yelled out: "WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!" and immediately dropped the phone and ran into his backyard. He did a series of cartwheels, then went up and down his sliding board, enjoyed his swing for a few minutes, flew a kite, kicked a kickball around and then spent several minutes in his sandbox.
Olivia Manning said Peyton continued playing well into the evening when it got dark and she called him in for dinner.
Andrew Luck is the president of Red State America.
Picture Jim Irsay is Shooter McGavin
He eats Peyton Manning and pieces of shit for breakfast.