Filed Under » Indiana Pacers

Your friend Jeff, who normally around this time of year is bitching about "the same teams always being in the playoffs," now has a stick up his ass about the Indiana Pacers and Memphis Grizzlies being in the NBA conference finals.

"Pacers and Grizzlies? Who gives a crap about them?" says Jeff. "I can't name a player on either team."

Jeff isn't too jazzed about the San Antonio Spurs being in the Western Conference Finals either.

"I'm so sick of them. They're so boring," he said. "And it's another small market team that no one gives a crap about," he added — oddly, considering just weeks ago he said David Stern and the NBA officials conspire to advance big market teams in the playoffs.

"I don't want to watch these nobody teams in the playoffs," said Jeff. "What I wouldn't give to see the Lakers and Celtics still around."

Jeff made this statement without irony despite bitching incessantly during the 2010 NBA Finals about having to watch the Lakers and Celtics. "Enough with these teams already," he said then. "The NBA needs some new blood."

Following the Pacers' 105-93 loss to the Miami Heat on Thursday to end their 2012 season, the team's fans took to the streets in anger. Reminiscent of riots from Canucks and Lakers fans in recent years, the Pacers faithful vented their frustrations in a destructive manner all across Indiana's desolate landscape.

Residents in Blackford and Delaware counties recount an unruly night of corn trampling and livestock taunting that destroyed literally hundreds of dollars worth of crops and left at least one duck dead.

"Yup, someone done gone decapitated a duck with a subsoiler," said Clint Neel, sheriff and assistant faith healer of Fairmount. "The duck was pretty drunk, though, so I figger he was just as much to blame."

Police were mostly helpless to contain the disorder, with about half of their interceptor tractors on loan to departments downstate. While several of the alleged rioters were taken into custody, they were promptly released when officers couldn't find the Master Lock to keep them in the bandit closet.