Maybe he's just showing that they got one hit.
"This is my first managing job," said Bo Porter, Houston's new skipper. "So I think I offer a kind of outsider's view, but one thing I do know about baseball is that home runs are good. It's my goal to have this team do a lot of them. But that takes practice and execution."
Porter is taking over a 55-107 team that is faced with moving to the AL West from the NL Central this season.
"I'm not looking for slightly improvement," said Porter. "I want to compete for the playoffs right away. And this explosive home run play can get us there."
The Astros spent Day 1 in camp breaking down film of home runs.
"I noticed that they go over the fence!" exclaimed shortstop Jacob Elmore. "That's the key."
Day 2 of camp consisted of Porter running through the various home run plays he had conceived in the offseason, titled Home Run Left, Home Run Left-Center, Home Run Center, Home Run Right-Center and Home Run Right.
"The play names are confusing, but I hope to learn them by Opening Day," said an outfielder named Oscar Cespedes or something like that.
Picture The 2012 Astros in One Photo
It's the cover of their highlights DVD.
"Obviously this isn't where we want to be at this point in the season," said interim manager Tony DeFrancesco. "We've dug ourselves quite a hole. Now it's on us to dig ourselves out. We can't worry about any other team's records. We're just going to take it on us to win some games and let the chips fall where they may. There's no reason to give up on this season yet."
Astros general manager Jeff Luhnow points to the example of the 2011 St. Louis Cardinals as a model for his team.
"They were left for dead and weren't even considered to be in the wildcard chase," said Luhnow. "And what happened to them? They got hot in September and won the whole damn thing. Granted, we're a bit off the pace of where they were last season, but I keep telling the guys to grind it out and make their own destiny."
Unfortunately, the Phillies lost their fight.
May as well just rename them the Houston Abads.
"He looked good," said Astros general manager Jeffrey Luhnow. "And I haven't said those words about one of our players for an entire year. So, yeah, we'd be more than interested in having him on our team."
Houston is already eliminated from the National League Central and is 48 games under .500 on pace to lose 112 games.
"Obviously, at his age, recovery time will probably be an issue for him," said Luhnow. "We'll see how he feels in a day or two. If he feels okay, we'd be happy to have him start every game he wants to and also bat cleanup for us. Right now or cleanup hitter is a person called Ben Francisco, a fact which makes me cry whenever I acknowledge it."
Clemens says he still hasn't decided if he wants to return to the Astros.
"It's obviously never an easy decision to set someone on fire," said Astros general manager Jeff Luhnow at a Sunday morning press conference announcing the brutal act. "But in my research of what bad baseball teams do to improve, 'fire' and 'manager' came up everywhere. I would have done it a few weeks ago, but it took me a while to acquire a flame thrower."
The Astros have far and away the worst record in Major League Baseball, have almost no core of young players to build around and are on pace to lose more than 110 games. Now the team's general manager, arrested immediately after his press conference, is facing attempted murder charges.
"Obviously, I should have done a little more research," Luhnow said today, after being arrested. "Fire is not literally involved. Well, lesson learned. Everyone in this organization is learning and improving. In the future, I won't set anyone on fire. I'm sure most reasonable people can understand the confusion."
It's understandable that Astros players are trying to kill themselves.
He is a better athlete than anyone on the Astros.