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PICTURE: Astros Have Already Been Eliminated from the AL West

Haters. They’re scared of the best. Continue Reading →
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Astros Present Derek Jeter with Retirement Gift of Miss Texas

Derek Jeter’s farewell tour kicked off in full force in Houston last night as the Astros presented the retiring shortstop with cowboys boots, a Stetson hat, golf clubs and Miss ... Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: 14 Reasons You Should Root for the 2014 Astros … as Read by the 2014 Astros

Number 15: We’re significantly better than the Sixers. At basketball. Continue Reading →
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Astros to Retire: “We always said we’d quit when baseball stopped being fun”

The Houston Astros announced today that the 2014 season will be the team’s final season as a baseball team. “The last few years have been tough,” read a post on the ... Continue Reading →
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PICTURE: ESPN Has a Pretty Good Grasp of the Houston Astros’ Offseason Needs

Their running is acceptable, so that’s exciting. Continue Reading →
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Celebrating the Total Failure of the 2013 Houston Astros: In Photos and Videos

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VIDEO: Astros Give Up Winning Run on Extremely Astros Play

Their entire season was building to this one special moment. Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: The 2013 Houston Astros are Now Officially Playing Like Ass

That slide stinks. Continue Reading →
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PICTURE: A Few Dozen People Stayed to Watch Twins-Astros in Extra Innings

Hopefully the friends and loved ones of everyone here gave these fans an intervention as soon as they got home. Continue Reading →

Surging Astros Win 3rd Straight Inning

by David Johnson During Wednesday’s 11-4 loss to the Texas Rangers, the Houston Astros rattled off three consecutive inning wins, matching their longest stretch of successful ... Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: Houston Astros Baseball Inspires Father and Son to Take Nap Together

Don’t necessarily blame the awful Astros. That kid appears to be a Texas A&M fan. Maybe he’s just tired from a long night out drinking with Johnny Manziel. Continue Reading →
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Astros’ Starting Second Baseman Defects to Cuba

Jose Altuve, the second baseman thought by many to be the best player on the Houston Astros, rowed ashore on the northwest coast of Cuba this morning and has petitioned the nation to ... Continue Reading →
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Astros’ All-Star Representative Amazed by Everyone Making Contact in Batting Practice

The Houston Astros’ lone and required representative at the MLB All-Star Game said today that he has been “in total shock” over how good everyone at the All-Star festivities ... Continue Reading →