Wearing a pink, cropped saddle which revealed her dark brown skin and haunches, Zenyatta left little to the imagination and likely won herself a whole segment of fans.
"It might not sound very progressive, but when it comes to female athletes, sex sells way more than victories," said Mark Pynor, a sports branding consultant. "Anna Kournikova is much more famous than someone like Kim Clijsters is. Natalie Gulbis is more popular than I don't even know if I can name another female golfer."
Video Jockey Fight!
Look at those tiny fists of fury.
I mean, just listen to this guy's ridiculous voice. Absurd! (VIDEO)
Lookin At Lucky, the winner of this weekend's Preakness Stakes, will have his title stripped by Triple Crown officials due to the discovery of salacious, genitals-baring photos of the horse on the Internet.
The photos, originally found on the personal website of Lookin At Lucky’s former trainer, show the Preakness winner wearing only a saddle and shoes, with his large horse penis playfully peaking out from behind his brown tail.
“We don’t have a written contract, per se, with the horses on how they should handle themselves in public,” said Preakness chairman Walter Resnick. “But let’s just say that we don’t find it befitting a Preakness champion to have his penis splashed all over every blog in the world.”
Those close to the horse say the photos were taken when Lookin At Lucky was a young foal trying to get noticed.
“He had those pictures done to show how strong and powerful his haunches are,” said Bob Baffert, who currently trains the horse. “Any glimpses of his man parts were surely accidental.”
But Resnick and Preakness organizers aren’t buying the explanation.
“If you don’t want people to see your penis, you keep your tail over it,” said Resnick. “It’s not hard to do. One of the primary purposes of the horse tail is genital coverage. We didn’t see pictures of Secretariat or Smarty Jones’ dick, did we? Funny Cide even took the step of having his balls cut off. The dignity of the sport mean that much to him.”
With his title gone, Lookin At Lucky is not expected to race in two weeks at Belmont. But considering the headlines he has generated from the photos and being spotted out in Baltimore after the race with Michael Phelps, many believe the controversy could boost TV ratings for the final leg of the Triple Crown.
“This Lookin At Lucky scandal has really gotten people talking about horse racing,” said Belmont chairman Wayne Thibidault. “I think a lot of people will tune in. On the other hand, maybe people will turn away in fear they will be subjected to an up-close shot of a horse penis. Nobody wants to see that.”
The Kentucky Derby is this weekend, which means that you may find yourself in a situation where you need to act like you know a thing or two about the sport of kings. Here are a few facts and tips to help you enjoy the Greatest Two Minutes in Sports This Side of Bengie Molina Legging Out a Double.
- Try not to make light of the jockeys’ small statures. Atlhough they may be small, they’re people, too. Tiny, sinister, goblin-like people.
- Be sure to mix up a batch of mint juleps, the Derby’s traditional cocktail. Just mix three ounces of bourbon, five or six sprigs of mint, and a bit of sugar together in a glass, then add crushed ice. If that sounds like too much work for you, take a pull directly from your bottle of Jim Beam while chewing some Doublemint.
- To answer your question, yes, Bob Baffert’s hair is indeed on loan from the Bobby Cremins Collection.
- It’s traditional for women attending the races at Churchill Downs to wear large, garish hats. If you lack the requisite funds to make a trip to your local hatter, you can make your own lid; just make sure it looks as silly as possible. Some suggestions for particularly ridiculous embellishments include flowers, rhinestones, and the Baltimore Orioles’ logo.
- The moment of silence you observe in memory of Barbaro should be at least twice as long as the Derby itself. In fact, you might want to just take the next few days off from work in order to properly honor him.
- If you’re a fan ofWhere’s Waldo, then you’ll enjoy the shots of the infield, where most of the Derby’s drunken revelry takes place. If you look hard enough, you can spot the one woman in Louisville who Rick Pitino has yet to bed!
- Be respectful when Kentucky’s state song, “My Old Kentucky Home,” is played before the race. You may not know that the song’s original lyrics included the line, “’Tis summer, and darkies are gay,” which was a huge hit with both racists and middle schoolers. The lyrics have since been changed to reflect a more sensitive, tolerant attitude and now read, “’Tis summer, and darkies are involved in romantic relationships with members of their own sex.”
- The winning horse should pull in somewhere around $1.5 million from the race’s purse, which will make it Kentucky’s second-highest-paid athlete for this year behind just John Wall.
- The Derby is 1.25 miles long. Or, in horse racing parlance, it’s 10 furlongs long. Put another way, it’s roughly 1175 Edward Furlongs long.
- When deciding how much money to bet on the race, remember that it’s technically not gambling if your horse is a sure thing. Or if you have a hunch based on one of their names. We mean, come on. Lookin At Lucky? It's basically code for: "I'm going to win." Now there’s a name that’s worth taking out a payday loan to back!
- Remember to respect the horses. You may not think they’re athletes, but they’re nearly as fast as the best bike or the crappiest car you’ve ever owned.
- Don’t feel too bad for the owners and trainers whose horses don’t win. They’re getting one of the nicest consolation prizes in all of sports: a freezer full of horsemeat.