It's no less pointless than horseracing.
"I have seen many athletes who have blown through their money and been left destitute, but never have a I seen anything quite as bad as this," says veteran sportswriter Frank Deford, who saw the horse's living space at the Preakness Stakes in Baltimore. "Animal Kingdom has lost all dignity. He just defecates right onto the floor of his small enclosure. He doesn't even seem to care if people are watching. I haven't seen that since I visited Lawrence Taylor for a story a few years ago."
Yet the thoroughbred's trainer insists that Animal Kingdom is perfectly happy in its current conditions.
"I don't believe in pampering athletes," said Graham Motion, who has trained Animal Kingdom from birth. "Not having every luxury met builds toughness and makes them competitive. Also, and this is probably an even bigger part, it's a horse. It's just a large, fast, dumb animal. Especially the dumb part. Did you know that they just take dumps while walking along, like nothing is happening? Even dogs try to have some privacy. Horses are idiots."
The Kentucky Derby is on Saturday. Orb is the favorite. It's a fine name for a horse. And definitely better than these names of past Kentucky Derby competitors.
Gold Shower (1943)
Sure, you can say this horse's name didn't have the same meaning in the '40s because back then there was nothing called a "golden shower." But then what would you call what we did to the Axis powers? Woooooo! U-S-A! U-S-A!
Black Servant (1921)
Oh, olden days. Such a simpler time. And an incredibly more racist time. Black Servant was foaled at Idle Hour Stock Farm in Kentucky. Weird. I assumed 1920s Kentucky was far more progressive.
The Cock (1916)
The Cock only managed to place sixth at the 1916 Kentucky Derby. Probably because he had to lug around all that extra weight.
Outside of the drunkeness, gambling and cruelty to animals, horse racing is pretty classy!
Picture Ron Jeremy Wins Horse Race
He probably won by a penis.