Video Maryland's Governor Knows Nothing About Sports
Fun Fact: He said this just hours after Chelsea won the Champions League.
Opinion 10 Kentucky Derby Drinks That Aren't the Mint Julep
Mint Julep “Jockey Style” 
Make a traditional Mint Julep. Except instead of a regular glass, use a thimble.
Elite Mint Julep
A favorite of the horse owners! Make a traditional Mint Julep using only the most expensive, name brand ingredients — including melted glacier water and flecks of real gold — and then drink it out of a poor person’s skull.
Degenerate’s Julep
Lose the last bit of your savings betting on a long-shot on a random race on a Tuesday night. Then pick a half empty Budweiser can out of the trash and drink it.
Calipari Julep
Pay for all of the best Mint Julep ingredients. Age them for one year — NO LONGER! Drink and then do it all over again.
Brew of Barbaro
Collect the tears of a fat woman with lots of cats. Mix with horse blood and horse semen and drink it through a straw made from a hollowed-out equine leg bone.
Video Beer-Drinking Horse is a Matt Cain Fan
The horses who smoke weed are more into Tim Lincecum.
News Kentucky Derby Champion Reportedly Living in Squalor in a Barn
“I have seen many athletes who have blown through their money and been left destitute, but never have a I seen anything quite as bad as this,” says veteran sportswriter Frank Deford, who saw the horse’s living space at the Preakness Stakes in Baltimore. “Animal Kingdom has lost all dignity. He just defecates right onto the floor of his small enclosure. He doesn’t even seem to care if people are watching. I haven’t seen that since I visited Lawrence Taylor for a story a few years ago.”
Yet the thoroughbred’s trainer insists that Animal Kingdom is perfectly happy in its current conditions.
“I don’t believe in pampering athletes,” said Graham Motion, who has trained Animal Kingdom from birth. “Not having every luxury met builds toughness and makes them competitive. Also, and this is probably an even bigger part, it’s a horse. It’s just a large, fast, dumb animal. Especially the dumb part. Did you know that they just take dumps while walking along, like nothing is happening? Even dogs try to have some privacy. Horses are idiots.”
Opinion The 13 Worst (Real) Thoroughbred Names in Kentucky Derby History
The Kentucky Derby is on Saturday. Dialed In is the favorite. It’s a fine name for a horse. And definitely better than these names of past Kentucky Derby competitors.
Gold Shower (1943)
Sure, you can say this horse’s name didn’t have the same meaning in the ‘40s because back then there was nothing called a “golden shower.” But then what would you call what we did to the Axis powers? Woooooo! U-S-A! U-S-A!
Black Servant (1921)
Oh, olden days. Such a simpler time. And an incredibly more racist time. Black Servant was foaled at Idle Hour Stock Farm in Kentucky. Weird. I assumed 1920s Kentucky was far more progressive.
The Cock (1916)
The Cock only managed to place sixth at the 1916 Kentucky Derby. Probably because he had to lug around all that extra weight.
