Filed Under » horse racing

The handlers of Kentucky Derby winner Orb say the horse has been acting sad and lethargic in recent days after hearing its next race is in Baltimore at the Preakness Stakes.

"Orb has really be down since we mentioned where we were going to him in his stall," said trainer Shug McGaughey. "I had no idea that even horse had a bad impression of Baltimore, but I guess they do. Hopefully he can snap out of it and get his energy back for the race."

Stuart Janney III, the horse's owner, says he has tried to tell Orb that Baltimore is not as bad as its reputation.

"All cities have their warts," said Janney. "I told Orb about the aquarium there and, you know, the baseball stadium and … some decent neighborhoods, probably. But apparently one of our stall hands is a big fan of 'The Wire' and talks about it all the time. So no matter what I say, Orb thinks we're basically taking him to hell."

Thousands of people plan to an engage in an odd and deranged annual ritual this weekend in which they will get blindingly drunk, wear absurd hats and then loudly yell as little people wearing brightly-colored outfits ride around on horses, whipping the horses as they go. Perhaps strangest of all, the gathering will occur in Kentucky.

"It's as crazy as it sounds," says Debbie McClain, who lives near ground zero of the event, held at a place called Churchill Downs, in Louisville. Maybe craziest of all, a lot of them spend a fortune on it. They put the thing on TV, too, and pretend that it means something important — as though they're not just all batshit insane. As though it's not just a bunch of drunk, mentally ill people screaming at midgets riding around on animals. I don't know if it's ever been officially categorized as a cult, but it definitely seems like one to me. Their building even has steeple things on it like a church. Nutjobs."

The strange gathering dates all the way back to 1875. Yet while modernity and societal progress has driven most American freak shows out of business, the "Kentucky Derby" — as the attendees call it — somehow continues on into the 21st Century.

"Those psychopaths even sacrifice the animals," said another nearby resident. "It's true. If one gets hurt, they blow its brains out. They don't even deny it. I don't know how the whole thing hasn't been shut down. These people are killing animals after riding around on them for their own pleasure. In 2013. I guess if you engage in this level of debauchery, but do it tucked away in a state like Kentucky, the authorities forget about you. It's my only theory."