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Tiger Woods says he is a new man, a better man. But the Masters is a difficult place for a supposed sex addict to make his return to golf.

Consider the many distractions and temptations found throughout Augusta National.

Joslyn James, one of the many ex-girlfriends of Tiger Woods, has released transcripts of the golfer's sexting messages to her. But Ms. James didn't release them all. Here is the final batch.

Tiger Woods has made it official. The world's top golfer, who has not eaten in public since his infidelities became tabloid fodder back in Thanksgiving, announced today that he will dine at the Perkins near his Windermere, Fla., home in the coming weeks.

"I think Perkins is where I need to be," said Woods.

Woods, of course, has had great success at Perkins in the past. He has routinely eaten tasty, yet wallet-friendly omelets and pancakes for breakfast, enjoyed a sandwich, some chips and a pickle after a practice round of golf, and once took home a Perkins shift manager for rough sex at his mansion.

But it's that latter fact that has some questioning his decision to return so soon.

"I don't know if he plans to go with Elin or not," said Golf Channel analyst Charlie Rymer. "But I imagine it would be awkward if they're served by the trollop he did in their bed. And also in a church parking lot once, I heard. I can't imagine Elin would want to leave a very big tip, regardless of the quality and attentiveness of the service."

If that scenario takes place, it's a challenge Woods says he is ready to accept.

"I have undergone almost two months of inpatient therapy and I am continuing my treatment," he said in his statement. "Although I am returning to restaurants, I still have a lot of work to do in my personal life."

Woods has reportedly been making food at his home, but admits there is nothing like a hot item fresh out of the Perkins kitchen.

"The sizzling, greasy bacon. Two mounds of sunny-side-up eggs, just begging to be pierced so the juices run everywhere. And then the flapjacks. My God. Two big, thick flapjacks that you can just smother in syrup and then lick it all off," said Woods. "I am so hungry right now. So f—king hungry."

Tiger Woods is reportedly home from rehab and trying to get into "golf shape".

SportsPickle was able to get a copy of his workout routine.

In his first public statement since a car accident set off a whirlwind of scrutiny and sordid revelations, Tiger Woods apologized today for hooking up with women far below the quality he could — and should have — pulled.

"I let down a lot of people," said Woods, in his statement. "It is one thing for an athlete to have affairs, it is far different thing to hook up with some of the questionably attractive uggers I slept with. And for that I am truly sorry. You have no idea. I have had nightmares."

Woods then presented a slide show of the women he had affairs with, stopping to apologize for the most unsightly conquests. He broke into tears after pulling up pictures of Jamie Jungers and Perkins waitress Mindy Lawton.

"I was so foolish. So incredibly stupid," said Woods. "These are not attractive women. These are not women someone with my fame and fortune should have sex with. Some of these are 4s, 5s, 6s. As you can see, I have a serious problem. And that is why I have sought help."

The golfer said in his statement that he is returning to therapy.

"Therapy is helping me turn down uglier chicks," he said. "I once had the strength to do that. I married a hot woman. But in recent years I have fallen short of my own standards — standards that any man should strive to uphold."

Woods said he hopes to return to golf and to desirable women as soon as he possibly can.

"All I can ask is that people can find it in their hearts to forgive me," he said. "And, if you're a woman who is an 8, 9 or 10, to call me."

The golf world is just happy he didn't using any curse words as a search term.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Dear Mr. Watson —

I was made aware of your recent comments on my life in which you stated that I need to "show some humility to the public." Very helpful! No more showy lifestyle from me, with all the bling and the posse and trash talk. Those days? Over.

I also appreciated your opinion on my place in golf history when you stated: "I feel that he has not carried the same stature that other great players that have come along like Jack [Nicklaus], Arnold [Palmer], Byron Nelson, the Hogans, in the sense that there was language and club throwing on the golf course … I think he needs to clean up his act and show the respect for the game that other people before him have shown."

You make a great point. I will stop cursing. That's clearly the biggest issue in my life. Salty language.

I will stop cursing right away. Well, no. Make that in a few minutes. Because first …

F—K. YOU. F—K YOU, Tom Watson, you A—HOLE.

I don't hold the same stature as them? Maybe not too some old, washed up prick. But let me remind you: I am golf. My presence alone has made everyone rich. You yourself have made more money because of me. Yet this is what I get? F—K. YOU.

Hey, guess what? You know who else isn't like Jack Nicklaus and Arnold Palmer? You, you dick. Because they've said that my life isn't any of their business. At least not to speak about in public. (And also, of course, you were never as good as them at golf. Let's just say I never taped your list of major wins on my bedroom wall as a goal.) Maybe you should be more like them. Or maybe you should be more like me and consider cursing or throwing a club every once in a while. It might make people forget how you choked away the British Open. You remember that, right? F—king hilarious.

Oh, I'm sorry. I promised to stop cursing. My fault. Let me re-phrase: Your choke job in the British Open was gosh darn hilarious.

Respectfully,

Tiger Woods