Beware of the mine bunkers.
John Daly is Biggie Smalls. (via Sportress of Blogitude)
- - -
It has been
since Tiger Woods last won a major. Already the whispers have started:
"Has he clinched his crown as the greatest golfer ever?"
"Is he in a slump?"
"Has the sport passed him by for good?"
as he has been, you can't discount the presence of
golf's young guns.
doubts about his character.
Augusta National: A challenging run of holes on the back 9 holes 11, 12 and 13 made famous on television by picturesque azaleas and dogwoods in bloom.
Your Course: That par-4 on the back-corner of the course that has a sharp dog-leg because the course designer ran out of real estate when the hole butted up against the interstate. On the other side of the highway there is a pentecostal church with a big, neon JESUS SAVES sign that you hear humming on the green (when there isn't heavy truck traffic that drowns it out).
Augusta National: A Loblolly Pine some 210 yards off the 17th tee that President Eisenhower, an Augusta member, frequently hit with his drives.
Your Course: The dead pine some 10 yards off the 7th tee which your buddy Dave Eisenhower always takes a leak on.
Description: He doesn't so much enjoy golf as he enjoys having an environment where it's acceptable to complain about women and crudely talk about sex. Leave a putt short or hit a weak drive? "Come on, Sally! You hit that like a pussy! Nice skirt! Does your husband play?" Hit a putt past the hole or crush a drive? "Whoa! Someone's wife isn't giving him enough of the poontang! Look at all that extra aggression!" Whatever The Misogynist shoots in a round, put him down for double that number on uses of the terms "old lady" and "ole' ball and chain."
Fun Fact: The Misogynist has been banned from 12 courses for trying to feel up the beverage cart girl.
The Rules Official
Description: He has read the USGA rules book two dozen times and has a copy of it in his golf bag that he will display at a moment's notice. You better not be trying to move your ball out of that mud patch in the middle of the fairway because, according to Rule 13-b(1.4), that particular mud patch, due to its lack of distinguishing marks, does not fit the criteria for "ground under repair." I mean, sure, if you want to play that way, fine. But if this was the US Open you'd be getting a significant penalty.
Fun Fact: The Rules Official received a severe beating in 8th grade after reminding his math teacher that she had forgotten to assign homework.
At times like this I remember what a great country this is.
Tiger Woods killed 12 range pickers by the age of 3.