NHL Unable to Find a Taker for Gary Bettman at the Trade Deadline

Despite repeated efforts from league and team executives across the NHL right up until Wednesday’s 3 p.m. ET trade deadline, the NHL failed in its goal to unload commissioner ... Continue Reading →

Google is Mean to America’s Crappiest Sports Teams and Athletes

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Gary Bettman: “Instead of the Stanley Cup, the NHL champion will now receive free iPads!”

NHL commissioner Gary Bettman excitedly announced today that the historic Stanley Cup has been retired and that the league's playoff teams will now instead compete for free iPads. "I ... Continue Reading →

Gary Bettman Fires NHL Network President Over Drop in TV Ratings

NHL commissioner Gary Bettman fired the president of the league's network today, citing a huge drop in ratings to-date compared to last season. "I was looking at some ratings ... Continue Reading →

Gary Bettman Says He’s Really Getting Into the NBA This Year

NHL commissioner Gary Bettman says he's really enjoying the 2012-2013 NBA season and is excited to follow the league all season. "I've always been a big NBA fan, and ... Continue Reading →

Gary Bettman Opens NHL Labor Meeting by Asking if Anyone Can Explain to Him What Icing Is

NHL commissioner Gary Bettman and league owners met with representatives of the players union in Toronto on Thursday for the latest negotiating session on a new collective bargaining ... Continue Reading →

Report: Gary Bettman Has Had a Serious Concussion Since 1993

With concussions continuing to plague the NHL and several of its best players, there is a report circulating that the problem of brain injury extends all the way to the top of the ... Continue Reading →

NHL GMs Vote To Allow Head Shots On Gary Bettman Only

After two days of meetings, NHL general managers have decided that all shots to the head on anyone other than league commissioner Gary Bettman will result in a steep fine and suspension. ... Continue Reading →

NHL Hires Sidney Crosby Impersonator To Complete The Season

NHL commissioner Gary Bettman announced today that the league has hired a Sidney Crosby look-alike that will play in place of the Penguins superstar who has been out for two months ... Continue Reading →

All-White Hockey League Quite Popular

Plans for an all-white basketball league being organized by a Georgia man received worldwide attention and scorn since he proposed it last week. But according to numerous reports, there ... Continue Reading →