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Timberwolves Ask Kevin Garnett If He Can Buy Them Beer

The Minnesota Timberwolves welcomed former star Kevin Garnett back to the team this week, and he was immediately welcome with open arms by his teammates. Continue Reading →
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8 Ways to Slow Down Baseball Games

Baseball is pretty much the only sport going on in the summer. It’s all we have from the end of the NBA Finals until college football kicks off. And what’s better than ... Continue Reading →
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Peyton Manning vows to return “more disappointing than ever” in 2015

Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning informed team vice president John Elway this week that he intends to return for an 18th NFL season in 2015 and, according to friends and associates ... Continue Reading →
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A Job Application to Help Sam Hinkie Build the 76ers

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Bobby Bonilla Reports to Mets Spring Training to Collect His $1 Million Check

Former New York Mets outfielder Bobby Bonilla reported to training camp in Port St. Lucie, Florida, today to collect his giant novelty check for $1.19 million, per his agreement with ... Continue Reading →
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A-Rod’s Pre-Written Apology Letter for the Entire 2015 Season

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VIDEO: Islanders Fan Recalls Conceiving Her Son in the Nassau Coliseum Parking Lot in ’82

This doesn’t feel like it’s all that original. This is how I imagine most people on Long Island came to be. Continue Reading →
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The Alternate Wonderlic: Do You Have What it Takes to Play in the NFL?

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10 Reasons the Eye Test is Better for Evaluating Players Than Analytics

1. “Analytics” didn’t exist in the old days, but we knew that Babe Ruth was great. We knew that Bill Russell was great. We knew that Gordie Howe was great. We knew ... Continue Reading →
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ANALYSIS: All of LeBron’s Passive-Aggressive Tweets About Kevin Love

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8 OBVIOUS PhotoShops of the 2015 Hannah Davis “Sports Illustrated” Swimsuit Cover

1. The chances that the Sports Illustrated logo was floating through the sky behind Hannah Davis when this photo was taken are very slim. More likely, it’s an addition through ... Continue Reading →
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New Father Richard Sherman Picks Fight with Guy in “World’s #1 Dad” T-Shirt

Seattle Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman and his girlfriend welcomed a son into the world Thursday morning, Sherman’s first child. But the festive occasion quickly added controversy ... Continue Reading →
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Flowchart: Did Your Team Get a GREAT Recruiting Class???

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Rob Gronkowski Pretending He’s Drunk and Shirtless at 4 AM Because His Team Won the Super Bowl

New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski has been partying non-stop since the Patriots won the Super Bowl Sunday night, an accomplishment a drunk Gronkowski said of this morning ... Continue Reading →
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Honest NFL Headlines: Super Bowl

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Patriots Win Record Fourth Asterisked Super Bowl

The New England Patriots successfully won another asterisked Super Bowl against the Seattle Seahawks in Super Bowl XLIX, the franchise’s record fourth forever-tarnished championship. ... Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: Seahawks Punter Jon Ryan Attended the “University of Vagina”

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Patriots Fire Longtime Director of Football Cheating

The New England Patriots today announced they have parted ways with David Granger, the team’s Director of Football Cheating since 2000, and the man thought by many to be the ... Continue Reading →