Eli: Hey! Everybody! There’s ketchup on my face. How did I get ketchup on my face?!
Trainer: That’s not ketchup Eli.
Eli: Is it strawberry jam? I like strawberry jam.
Trainer: No. It’s not strawberry jam either.
Eli: Well what is it? I’m hungry for a snack now. Mom said I couldn’t eat before the game because I’d get a tummy ache. Do you have any Lunchables?
Trainer: Not right now. I have to take care of your head.
Eli: What’s wrong with it?
Trainer: Well, Eli. I don’t know how to tell you this, but … your head is bleeding. Your head is covered in blood, not ketchup or strawberry jam.
Eli: What’s blood?
Trainer: Well … it’s a liquid that circulates through your arteries and veins and brings oxygen and nutrients to tissue.
Eli: Ketchup has nutrients.
Trainer: Yes. I suppose it does.
Eli: Can I have a snack now?
Trainer: Not yet. I’m still working on your head.
Eli: I’m glad it’s blood and not ketchup. I spilled a plate of fish sticks last week and got ketchup all over the carpet. Mom didn’t let me watch Dora. Can you tell her that this is blood and not ketchup?
Eli: Can I have a snack now?
Trainer: Almost. I just have to finish these stitches. I have to say, Eli, you’re being very brave about this! You’re becoming a big boy!
Eli: Thanks. That’s what my mom said when I woke up this morning and found mayonnaise in my Toy Story underwear.
Unstoppable. White liquid shooting at Eli Manning's face is.
Is this better or worse for the Giants than Plaxico Burress getting shot in the leg?
Shouldn't be long now until Eli is the official endorser of this.
Little Eli Manning threw a tantrum on the Manning Family's living room floor Christmas morning after all the gifts were opened and he realized he wasn't getting the one present he told Santa he wanted most a new Plaxico Burress.
"I want a Plaxico! AHHHHHHHH!" Manning screamed, crying and kicking and pounding at the floor. "AHHHHHHHHH! I want one NOW! Gimme a Plaxico!"
The boy's mother, Olivia, tried to calm her son by saying he might be able to get a Plaxico next year with early parole.
"Honey, I told you that you might not get a new Plaxico this year, sweetie," she said, rubbing Eli's back as tears streamed down his face. "I know it's hard for you to not have your Plaxico. But look at all the great stuff you got a Zhu Zhu pet, some trucks, a sweater, a Domenik Hixon. It's not all bad."
But the youngest Manning could not be consoled.
"I wanted a Plaaaaaaxico-o-o-o," he sobbed, barely getting the words out through his tears. "I wanted to throw the ball way into the air and have him catch it. All my receivers are short."
Thankfully Eli finally stopped crying after his big brother Peyton let him play with his Austin Collie for a while.
Eli Manning is about to head off to New York Giants camp for the sixth time. And as much as the young quarterback looks forward to his time in the upstate New York countryside each summer, he admits he is motivated to get the one camper badge that has long eluded him.
"I have most of my badges," said Eli, beaming. "I have my badge for starting quarterback, my badge for being team captain, look I even have my Super Bowl badge! But, golly I still can't get my accuracy badge, even though I try my darnedest," he added, kicking at a pebble.
"Eli is one of our camp regulars," said Tom Coughlin, leader of the New York Giants. "He comes from a good family and he's been coming here since he was a little boy, back when he was even more innocent than the fella you see today, if you can believe that. So I'm hoping he gets that elusive accuracy badge this year. He tries hard and he wants it really bad. But, you know, I bet I want him to get it even more than he does."
Despite getting all the way up to a Super Bowl badge, Manning has a 55.9-percent career completion percentage and has thrown 74 interceptions in 73 career games.
"Even the best pass he ever threw, it was so off-target, one of the other campers had to catch it with one hand off the top of his helmet," said Coughlin. "That makes for a great memory something I'm sure they both told all their friends about later on when they got home but it's not what I'm looking for here. Eli's parents send him here to learn how to throw, not hit receivers in the helmet with passes or try to kiss girls."
When Manning's parents drop him off at camp this week, they will leave him with encouraging words.
"It's hard for the little guy, and not just because he misses us a lot," said Olivia Manning. "We always sent his big brother, Peyton, out to camp in Indiana, and he got his accuracy badge from early on. So that only put more pressure on Eli. I think people expect Eli to be accurate, too, because it came so easily for his brother. But he just isn't. Eli is special in his own way, you know? And he claims it doesn't bother him, but I know he's just saying that. The tears tell me the truth."
Eli's father, Archie, says he'll be rooting for his son.
"Getting that badge means a lot to Eli," said Archie. "And I think he can do it this year. And once he does, I'll bet the bed-wetting stops immediately."