From Staff / March 14, 2012

News Dwight Howard's Profession of Love for Orlando Slightly Undercut by Repeated Wanking Motion

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Orlando Magic center Dwight Howard today expressed an intense love for the City of Orlando, Magic fans, head coach Stan Van Gundy, his teammates and the entire Magic organization.

"This is exactly the kind of commitment we have been waiting to hear from Dwight," said Magic owner Rich DeVos. "I was ecstatic when I heard Dwight had said this, signalling he hopes to remain with the Magic for his entire career."

But those who were present when Howard made the statement after a morning shoot-around suspect the big man many have stated his love for Orlando sarcastically.

"I know basketball. I'm not a body language expert," said general manager Otis Smith. "But the fact that Dwight was making a wanking motion the whole time he was talking makes me wonder if he wasn't 100-percent serious. Especially how when he said 'I want to remain with the Magic for my entire career,' he pretended to ejaculate into the air and then he slumped over like he was dead."

Howard insists he was serious in his statements about staying a member of the Magic.

"Oh, yeah. Totally serious. What would make you think I was being sarcastic," he asked, now furiously faux-wanking with both hands while rolling his eyes.

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Filed Under   NBA   Orlando Magic   Dwight Howard
March 05, 2012

Video Dwight Howard Eats a Cookie Off of His Face

An Orlando Magic center eating cookies? He's the new Shaq!

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Filed Under   NBA   Orlando Magic   Dwight Howard
March 01, 2012

Video Magic Fans Sing for the Return of Dwight Howard

Ooof. Now he's definitely going to leave.

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Filed Under   NBA   Orlando Magic   Dwight Howard
December 14, 2011

Video Drugged Up Kid Doesn't Want Dwight Howard to Leave the Magic

He must be the Magic exec who drunk dialed Howard.

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Filed Under   NBA   Orlando Magic   Dwight Howard
September 01, 2011

Video Dwight Howard Dunks on a Giraffe

It probably felt a lot like dunking on Chris Bosh.

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Filed Under   NBA   Orlando Magic   Dwight Howard
February 22, 2011

Poll Who is the best player in the NBA?

Who is the best player in the NBA? poll results
  • Blake Griffin -- he has the physical ability to one day re-write the record books, as long as he also has the mental ability to leave the Clippers as a free agent
  • Lebron James -- he has every physical trait you could want in a player; he also has intangibles like drive, confidence and general douchebaggery
  • Dwyane Wade -- he's not even the best player on his team, but he's earned the right to be on this list and not voted for
  • Dwight Howard -- he's an elite talent and he genuinely loves basketball, which is also sort of a problem: I mean, stop smiling, guy! This is a game! It's not supposed to be that fun!
  • Derrick Rose -- he's building his own legacy in Chicago, which will probably prompt Michael Jordan to say something really dickish soon about how Rose isn't as good as he was
  • Kevin Durant -- he's the rare young player who is legitimately good and not just a by-product of the Oklahoma City media hype machine
  • Kobe Bryant -- he just won MVP of the All-Star Game, proving his 40% effort is superior to every other top player's 40%
  • Carmelo Anthony -- he's not in the same league as guys like Kobe and Lebron but ... wait, check that: he's now super-great because he plays in New York!
You have voted for this poll.
2443 votes / / 0 comments / View Poll »
December 10, 2010

Video Dwight Howard Hits His Head on the Backboard

Many people have this problem in Nerf basketball.

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Filed Under   NBA   Orlando Magic   Dwight Howard
October 26, 2010

Picture Dwight Howard Gets Baptized

Wade got Lebron and Bosh this offseason, but Howard got Jesus.

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Filed Under   NBA   Orlando Magic   Dwight Howard
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Filed Under   NBA   Orlando Magic   Dwight Howard   Atlanta Hawks
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Filed Under   NBA   Orlando Magic   Dwight Howard