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The Duke Blue Devils, led by head coach Mike Krzyzewski, have found the baby they will use for their customary child sacrifice committed each year on the eve of their first NCAA Tournament game.

"Nothing motivates us like a good baby roasting," said senior forward Mason Plumlee. "It's part of what makes Duke unique and something that drew us all here."

The Blue Devils are in Philadelphia for the opening rounds of the Tournament and selected their baby after returning to their hotel last night from a team dinner.

"A homeless woman in an alley beside our hotel had a baby that was the perfect size," said Krzyzewski. "It reminded me of the baby we sacrificed before our 2010 championship. Plus, the baby was homeless, so it obviously was not committed to excellence. No one will miss it."

Once the baby is sacrificed tonight after the team's walk-through, the child will be placed on a spit and roasted. After the team's film session, each player and staff member will partake of the baby's flesh.

Duke senior power forward Ryan Kelly has just weeks left in a collegiate career that has one major hole in it.

"I've never been hated like I thought I'd be when I came here," said Kelly. "I'm a dorky white guy who plays for Duke. I have a stupid hair cut. I have no muscle tone. I have an unsightly beard. And I produce on the court and I've won a national title in my career. Why doesn't everyone hate me? It's really annoying."

Kelly says he feels like he has missed out on the full Duke experience by not being ridiculed and mocked wherever he goes.

"Sure, I'm taunted during games, but so is every college player," said the gangly oaf. "What I subjected to is nothing close to what guys like Christian Laettner and Cherokee Parks and Steve Wojciechowski and J.J. Redick and Jon Scheyer got when they were here. Is it that I look too ridiculous? Do even Duke haters feel bad for me? Is that it?"