April 24, 2013

Video Duke Track and Field Remakes Backstreet Boys Song

It's multiple layers of douche. It's doucheception.

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Filed Under   track and field   Duke Blue Devils
March 22, 2013

News Duke Selects Baby for Customary Pre-NCAA Tournament Child Sacrifice

Duke Selects Baby for Customary PreNCAA Tournament Child Sacrifice - Image 1
The Duke Blue Devils, led by head coach Mike Krzyzewski, have found the baby they will use for their customary child sacrifice committed each year on the eve of their first NCAA Tournament game.

"Nothing motivates us like a good baby roasting," said senior forward Mason Plumlee. "It's part of what makes Duke unique and something that drew us all here."

The Blue Devils are in Philadelphia for the opening rounds of the Tournament and selected their baby after returning to their hotel last night from a team dinner.

"A homeless woman in an alley beside our hotel had a baby that was the perfect size," said Krzyzewski. "It reminded me of the baby we sacrificed before our 2010 championship. Plus, the baby was homeless, so it obviously was not committed to excellence. No one will miss it."

Once the baby is sacrificed tonight after the team's walk-through, the child will be placed on a spit and roasted. After the team's film session, each player and staff member will partake of the baby's flesh.

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Filed Under   NCAAB   Duke Blue Devils
March 18, 2013

Video Lax Nut Shot, Bro

Sux, bro.

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March 06, 2013

Picture Report: This is Every Duke Basketball Fan

YOLDPFYPSEO: You Only Let Dad Pay For Your Private School Education Once.

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Filed Under   NCAAB   Duke Blue Devils
March 5, 2013

News Ryan Kelly Miffed by Lack of Nationwide Hatred Toward Him: "Am I not a dorky white guy who plays for Duke?"

Ryan Kelly Miffed by Lack of Nationwide Hatred Toward Him: Am I not a dorky white guy who plays for Duke - Image 1
Duke senior power forward Ryan Kelly has just weeks left in a collegiate career that has one major hole in it.

"I've never been hated like I thought I'd be when I came here," said Kelly. "I'm a dorky white guy who plays for Duke. I have a stupid hair cut. I have no muscle tone. I have an unsightly beard. And I produce on the court and I've won a national title in my career. Why doesn't everyone hate me? It's really annoying."

Kelly says he feels like he has missed out on the full Duke experience by not being ridiculed and mocked wherever he goes.

"Sure, I'm taunted during games, but so is every college player," said the gangly oaf. "What I subjected to is nothing close to what guys like Christian Laettner and Cherokee Parks and Steve Wojciechowski and J.J. Redick and Jon Scheyer got when they were here. Is it that I look too ridiculous? Do even Duke haters feel bad for me? Is that it?"

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Filed Under   NCAAB   Duke Blue Devils   Ryan Kelly
January 24, 2013

Video Miami Mocks Duke with Floor Slaps

They must have been huge Steve Wojciechowski fans.

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Filed Under   NCAAB   Miami Hurricanes   Duke Blue Devils
August 13, 2012

Video Mike Krzyzewski Can't Jump

So much for the stereotype about Polish people being great leapers.

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July 20, 2012

Picture NCAA Football 13 Confirms That Duke Sucks at Football

EA must be staffed by UNC grads.

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Filed Under   NCAAF   video games   Duke Blue Devils
April 12, 2012

Opinion Ideas for More Nerlens Noel-Inspired Recruit Hair Announcements

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March 17, 2012

Picture Sad Duke Fans

I like the part where they're devastated.

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Filed Under   NCAAB   Duke Blue Devils