NBA To Begin Charging For Free Throws

With nearly half his league’s teams reeling from massive operating losses, NBA commissioner David Stern today declared that he would begin charging both players and fans for free ... Continue Reading →

NBC News Viewers Outraged Austin Plane Crash Shown Only on Tape Delay

NBC News’ switchboard and email inboxes were jammed this week with complaint after complaint from viewers outraged that they were shown footage of a tragic plane crash in Austin ... Continue Reading →

Red Sox Nation Bobsled Team Captures Bronze

In a stunning a result, the heretofore little regarded Red Sox Nation Bobsled Team placing a shocking third in the 4-Man Bobsled finals today in Vancouver, posting a time of 3:23:98 ... Continue Reading →

Horribly Old Person Reminds You Only 21 Days Until Pitchers and Catchers Report

Whitey McCloud, a very frail 98-year-oldman living on your street, stopped you today as you were heading to your car to remind you that there are only 21 days left until pitchers and ... Continue Reading →

Tebow Dazzles NFL Scouts with Picture of Aborted Fetus

Florida quarterback and 2007 Heisman Trophy winner Tim Tebow wowed scouts at the Senior Bowl in Mobile today when he showed off a picture of an aborted, third trimesterfetus. Before ... Continue Reading →

Point/Counterpoint: Tiger Woods and Sex Addiction

Point: Sexual Addiction Is A Disease I Must Overcome, by Tiger Woods My name is Tiger Woods, and I am an addict. I can’t believe I’m saying that. But there it is: The naked, ... Continue Reading →

John Wall Declares Intention to Enter Drunken Freshman

In an announcement widely anticipated by Kentucky basketball fans across Lexington, freshman point guard sensation John Wall today declared his intentions to enter drunken freshman ... Continue Reading →

Costly Divorce Settlement Leaves Tiger Woods with Only Seven Majors

In a costly blow to his bid to surpass Jack Nicklaus’ record 18 career major tournament victories, golf superstar Tiger Woods will reportedly be forced to cede seven of his career ... Continue Reading →

White People Drop Tiger Woods as Spokesman

In a crippling blow to his considerably large and extremely lucrative portfolio of sponsorship deals, white people today announced that they would drop Tiger Woods as their lead spokesman. “In ... Continue Reading →

Zach Randolph Has Best Shooting Night of Career at Local Nightclub

Grizzlies forward Zach Randolph had the best shooting night of his career last night at Senses, a nightclub in downtown Memphis. “Oh my God, it was incredible,” said patron ... Continue Reading →

10-Percent of All NFL Concussion Victims Gay

In a shocking new study released by the NFL Players Association, nearly 10-percent of all retired NFL players who have suffered concussions are homosexual. “It’s a shocking ... Continue Reading →

Tiger’s Wife Uses Axe to Bravely Remove Mosquito from His Penis

A mere four days after saving her husband, Tiger Woods, from a parked automobile by smashing his windshield with a golf club, Elin Woods again saved her husband from a potentially catastrophic ... Continue Reading →

Iverson, Restaurant Hostess Agree to 10-Minute Deal

NBA free agent Allen Iverson has struck a 10-minute deal with Ruby Tuesday restaurant hostess Lisa Tierney.The deal pays Tierney a base level of two months rent in exchange for fornication ... Continue Reading →

Mother Lives in Blogger’s Basement

Joan McPhail, a 48-year-old divorcee, has been living for some time in the basement of her son David, a professional sports blogger, according to published reports. “I had fallen ... Continue Reading →

Pistons Hope Construction Of New Squalor Boxes Will Increase Revenue By 50%

Officials for the Detroit Pistons and the Palace of Auburn Hills announced today the construction of 300 brand newsqualorsuites located in the general vicinity of the Pistons home arena. “We ... Continue Reading →

MLB Rules Committee Unanimously Rejects Adopting Opposable Thumbs

On the heels of turning down rules in favor of instant replay, Major League Baseball’s Rules Committee today also shot down a proposal introducing opposable thumbs to the national ... Continue Reading →

LeBron James Accidentally Cries Out KNICKS During Intercourse

During heated intercourse with longtime girlfriend Savannah Brinson, Cleveland Cavaliers superstar Lebron James reportedly cried out the name KNICKS while in the throes of ecstasy. “We ... Continue Reading →

Stephen Jackson Trick-or-Treating with a Gun Again

Residents of a Burlingame, California neighborhood were exasperated to learn that Golden State Warriors guard Stephen Jackson would again take his Beretta 92FS 9MM handgun out trick ... Continue Reading →