That guy is on the same diet as Miguel Cabrera and Prince Fielder.
That guy looks worse than Justin Verlander in a World Series.
It's probably healthier than what Miguel Cabrera and Prince Fielder eat.
Cabrera is built more like Adele, but whatever.
"It was a long season. After the playoffs ended, the boys just hunkered down and never left the clubhouse," recalled Leyland. "As long as they emerge ready to play by the time the season starts, that's all that matters."
The issue of offseason hibernation is nothing new for Leyland, although this year represents the first time the entire team has participated. Previously, Miguel Cabrera spent his winter sleep in the equipment room.
"Oh yeah, we knew what we were getting with him. Every year the past four years, Miggy increases his fatty meat intake come October before nesting in the batting cages," whispered Leyland, carefully shining a flashlight into the clubhouse window to check on the players. "But this year with everyone together, it's special. It's a team bonding experience. We don't wanna ruin that."
- Josh Hamilton, LAA - he will fit perfectly into the Angels' lineup of overpaid older guys who watch Mike Trout do everything
- B.J. Upton, ATL - the Braves are confident that all great players probably suddenly start playing up to their potential in their 9th season in the majors
- Torii Hunter, DET - he fills Detroit's need for a non-morbidly obese position player and he was also a childhood friend of Jim Leyland's
- Jose Reyes, TOR - the Blue Jays hope he can be an improvement over Yunel Escobar at shortstop by getting on base and not hating gay people
- Russell Martin, PIT - if giving $17 million to a catcher with a .211 batting average won't get the Pirates a winning season, then nothing will
- Zach Greinke, LAD - not having a big enough payroll is what kept the Dodgers out of the playoffs last year and they won't let that happen ever again
- R.A. Dickey, TOR - even if he pitches nowhere close to his Cy Young performance, he'll keep the clubhouse loose with hilarious tales of playing for the Mets
Picture RIP Baseball
The deciding game of our nation's pastime is no Saints-Broncos Week 8.
Well, that was Fun.
News Detroit Tigers Okay with World Series Deficit: "We're just excited to get free Taco Bell tacos"
"Life is more than baseball," said Prince Fielder. "We're getting free tacos. What's to be upset about?"
Thanks to a Taco Bell promotion promising a free taco to everyone in the United States if a base was stolen in the World Series, the Tigers earned a free taco when San Francisco's Angel Pagan stole second in the eighth inning. The game was briefly halted as Tigers players stormed the field to celebrate.
"Dori-tos! Lo-cos! Ta-cos!" the Tigers chanted, lifting Pagan up into the air and carrying him around the field.
"I've got a team of fatasses," said Tigers manager Jim Leyland. "It is what it is. I'm hoping now that the tacos thing is over, they can finally focus on baseball. They've definitely been preoccupied so far with the taco promotion."