Filed Under » Derrick Rose

Chicago Bulls point guard Derrick Rose will either have to start playing basketball again or will begin having his paycheck docked for missed days. This according to Mindy Trigman, the team's director of human resources.

"We're only into the first week of May and already Derrick has used all of his personal days for 2013," said Trigman. "I had him in my office today to inform him of this. Considering he does not have a doctor's note allowing him to not work, we consider his absences to be personal days. I also informed him of this in writing so it's in his file now."

Rose sustained a knee injury last year, but was cleared by doctors to return to work two months ago. Despite taking part in practices, he has not worked one game night.

"I don't know, I'm just going through some stuff mentally," said Rose. "I was hoping this was the kind of company that would want me to work at 100-percent. I made it clear to the HR lady that I am willing to work from home while I continue to recuperate mentally, but she said there is not a way to play basketball on the couch."

Formerly injured Chicago Bulls point guard Derrick Rose announced today that he feels "almost 350-percent" and plans to return to the lineup.

"The guys have shown they can win without me," said Rose, who tore his ACL more than a year ago and was cleared by doctors to play two months ago. "But I think I can contribute under the right circumstances."

Rose says he talked to Bulls head coach Tom Thibodeau this morning and assured him that he will return if the Brooklyn-Chicago series goes to a "Game 8" or if the Bulls reach the "gold medal round of the playoffs."

"I told him: 'Thanks so much, Derrick. Way to step up for the team,'" said Thibodeau. "'No one will think you're a pussy now.' Of course, these are things I have to keep saying publicly. I of course personally think he's being a pussy and don't know if I can ever trust him as a player again. But publicly: 'The Chicago Bulls continue to stand behind Derrick Rose's personal timeline for his return.' Make sure you quote me on that part."

Word quickly spread today as Derrick Rose confirmed through league sources that he's returning a DVD to Netflix. Rose himself confirmed the news on his Twitter handle: "This one's for my fans: It's time to return Looper. #netflix #Thereturn #Nextinmyqueue".

His team, the Chicago Bulls, shared the city's joy.

"We can't wait to see what he'll rent next. It's been a while," said Bulls general manager Gar Forman. "We're all excited. Maybe he'll start watching Breaking Bad?"

Forman added, "I don't want to speculate, but if the mail gets there fast enough, he could have the new DVD in time for Saturday's game against the Orlando Magic. I think all of us would like to see that."

The 6-foot-3 point guard, who held on to the DVD for several months, has been difficult to pin down recently. Off the record, team officials have said he's been unable to find time to watch the movie while at the same time unable to return it as well.

Chicago Bulls point guard Derrick Rose has upped his pledge that he will return from injury when he is 110-percent to 345-percent, causing concern on the team that Rose has been suffering from a severe and undiagnosed concussion.

"Oh, man. What do we do now?" said head coach Tom Thibodeau. "What if his brain has been bleeding for the past year? That would be really serious. The playoffs start in a month."

The Bulls figured Rose's previous "110-percent" pronouncement, while illogical, was nothing more than an athlete spouting a common sports cliche. General manager Gar Forman now wishes he had pushed Rose more on the initial number.

"Maybe I should have asked him if he understood numbers and percentages and how they work," said Forman. "He's a smart guy. He knows better. He has to know, if his brain is working correctly, that 345-percent is not a thing. They had to have covered that in some class in high school or at Memphis, right?"

Unfortunately, Rose — who has called his own shots in his rehab from reconstructive knee surgery — says he will not submit to a CT scan of his brain "until I feel 617-percent."

The order has been given. Chicago Bulls legend Michael Jordan has reportedly told longtime friend and enforcer Charles Oakley to put an end to up-and-coming Bulls star Derrick Rose.

"It's gone on long enough," said a source close to Jordan. "Michael is not going to sit by while some kid attempts to forge a new basketball legacy in Chicago. Michael is adamant that he always be the King of Chicago. So Derrick must die."

Despite Rose winning NBA Rookie of the Year two seasons ago and making the All-Star team last year, Jordan reportedly did not become threatened by the 22 year-old star until very recently.

"Mike didn't think Rose would ever be much of a player," said a Charlotte Bobcats staff member who wished to remain anonymous, "because he is a terrible, terrible, terrible judge of talent. Just terrible. Really, a few years ago he was worried that Kirk Hinrich would challenge all of his Bulls records. Derrick even being a serviceable NBA player caught Michael by complete surprise."