Directions: Just circle a word or phrase in each list, print it out, hand it in to a major media outlet and you'll be a published NBA columnist! You're welcome!
- - -
Derrick Rose sat on the bench in a suit and tie again last night
like the huge pussy that he is.
and probably had conflicted feelings about it.
which had to kill him, because there is no bigger competitor in sports than Derrick Rose.
As has been well documented by now, Rose was cleared to return to the court by doctors two months ago.
So that's that. He can play. There is no debate.
Yet an athlete knows his body better than a doctor does.
But who's to say the team's doctors don't want to callously rush him back to the court before he's ready, the true state of his knee be damned?
It's dedicated to all those who just don't feel mentally right some days.
"We're only into the first week of May and already Derrick has used all of his personal days for 2013," said Trigman. "I had him in my office today to inform him of this. Considering he does not have a doctor's note allowing him to not work, we consider his absences to be personal days. I also informed him of this in writing so it's in his file now."
Rose sustained a knee injury last year, but was cleared by doctors to return to work two months ago. Despite taking part in practices, he has not worked one game night.
"I don't know, I'm just going through some stuff mentally," said Rose. "I was hoping this was the kind of company that would want me to work at 100-percent. I made it clear to the HR lady that I am willing to work from home while I continue to recuperate mentally, but she said there is not a way to play basketball on the couch."
"The guys have shown they can win without me," said Rose, who tore his ACL more than a year ago and was cleared by doctors to play two months ago. "But I think I can contribute under the right circumstances."
Rose says he talked to Bulls head coach Tom Thibodeau this morning and assured him that he will return if the Brooklyn-Chicago series goes to a "Game 8" or if the Bulls reach the "gold medal round of the playoffs."
"I told him: 'Thanks so much, Derrick. Way to step up for the team,'" said Thibodeau. "'No one will think you're a pussy now.' Of course, these are things I have to keep saying publicly. I of course personally think he's being a pussy and don't know if I can ever trust him as a player again. But publicly: 'The Chicago Bulls continue to stand behind Derrick Rose's personal timeline for his return.' Make sure you quote me on that part."
His team, the Chicago Bulls, shared the city's joy.
"We can't wait to see what he'll rent next. It's been a while," said Bulls general manager Gar Forman. "We're all excited. Maybe he'll start watching Breaking Bad?"
Forman added, "I don't want to speculate, but if the mail gets there fast enough, he could have the new DVD in time for Saturday's game against the Orlando Magic. I think all of us would like to see that."
The 6-foot-3 point guard, who held on to the DVD for several months, has been difficult to pin down recently. Off the record, team officials have said he's been unable to find time to watch the movie while at the same time unable to return it as well.
"Oh, man. What do we do now?" said head coach Tom Thibodeau. "What if his brain has been bleeding for the past year? That would be really serious. The playoffs start in a month."
The Bulls figured Rose's previous "110-percent" pronouncement, while illogical, was nothing more than an athlete spouting a common sports cliche. General manager Gar Forman now wishes he had pushed Rose more on the initial number.
"Maybe I should have asked him if he understood numbers and percentages and how they work," said Forman. "He's a smart guy. He knows better. He has to know, if his brain is working correctly, that 345-percent is not a thing. They had to have covered that in some class in high school or at Memphis, right?"
Unfortunately, Rose who has called his own shots in his rehab from reconstructive knee surgery says he will not submit to a CT scan of his brain "until I feel 617-percent."
Joakim Noah is going to watch this every time he's high.
"It's gone on long enough," said a source close to Jordan. "Michael is not going to sit by while some kid attempts to forge a new basketball legacy in Chicago. Michael is adamant that he always be the King of Chicago. So Derrick must die."
Despite Rose winning NBA Rookie of the Year two seasons ago and making the All-Star team last year, Jordan reportedly did not become threatened by the 22 year-old star until very recently.
"Mike didn't think Rose would ever be much of a player," said a Charlotte Bobcats staff member who wished to remain anonymous, "because he is a terrible, terrible, terrible judge of talent. Just terrible. Really, a few years ago he was worried that Kirk Hinrich would challenge all of his Bulls records. Derrick even being a serviceable NBA player caught Michael by complete surprise."
And this clinches the NBA MVP for Lebron James. (via Deadspin)