"I need to go back to what worked for me during my prime," said Jeter, whose average is hovering around .200. "I hoped using that fat plastic bat would help me make contact, but I feel like I look foolish out there even more foolish than I look with a regular wood bat."
The few times Jeter has made contact this season, the ball cracked his plastic bat or the contact resulted in nothing but a weak ground ball. The short, two-foot bat also had him struggling to get to any pitches on the outside corner.
"I'm not sure if I'll be any better with a real wood bat," said Jeter. "In fact, I'm sure I won't be. But at least I'll be able to go out with what remains of my dignity."
It must be Brian Cashman's birthday.
A century-plus of failure has finally defeated their self-respect.
Showing up to a Jets game like this can't help his case for a big contract.
Derek Jeter's trophy case got a little more crowded today.
After winning his fifth Gold Glove yesterday, baseball writers awarded the Yankees shortstop his first Cy Young award today by unanimous vote.
"I play this game for team rewards, but it is always a great honor to receive individual recognition, as well," Jeter said in a statement. "I am humbled to win the Cy Young Award, yet at the same time I feel it is as deserved as my Gold Gloves."
Jeter, who last pitched in relief in Little League, received 32 of 32 first-place votesfrom members of the Baseball Writers' Association of America. In the press release announcing the results, the BBWAA noted Jeter's 0.00 ERA, 0.00 WHIP and undefeated record.
But it wasn't just statistics, said voter Mel Antonen of USA Today.
Yankees part owner Hal Steinbrenner stated this week in an interview that while the team wants to bring the living Yankee legend back, it does not want to break the bank to do so. Jeter is coming off of his worst season in the majors. Jeter's agent, Casey Close, then countered in the media that his client's value to the team "cannot be overstated."
That led the way to today's latest, in which Close has reportedly decided to put an exact, tangible dollar figure on his client's supposed value, demanding $1 million for each Jeter intangible.
"His leadership is definitely one intangible," said Close. "Getting that for $1 million is a huge bargain. His grit, his moxie, his general clutchness. Those are just three more. His musk. He has a natural scent of a champion. That's a big one. What are we at $5 million already? The Yankees better stop me because I could quickly and easily get to $100 million a year. He gets a lot of hot chicks to come to the game. $6 million."
Derek Jeter has long been accused of being all of those. And after 16 years in the majors, his failings as a baseball player are apparent to everyone even the most diehard Yankee fans and Derek Jeter fanboys.
With their wedding rumored to be just 10 months away, New York Yankees star Derek Jeter treated his girlfriend actress Minka Kelly to a romantic dinner last night at a trendy Manhattan restaurant and then popped the question of a prenuptial agreement before the couple's entrees arrived.
"Ohmigod. Derek!" squealed Kelly. "You're so sweet! You want to protect your assets from me? Now I know you're really serious about getting married. Yes! YES! My answer is YES! Ohmigod. We have official legal documents now! I can't believe it! This is so exciting! I'm calling my mom to tell her the news!"
Fellow diners applauded the happy couple. And then aclearly overjoyed Jeter called his attorney over from a nearby table to have Kelly sign the agreement in triplicate before he allowed his fiancee to use her phone.
"Thank you for doing that, baby," cooed Jeter. "Now I know you love me for me and not because you want my money. You know what? I have a surprise. I had my attorney make additional copies of the prenup and spread them out all over my bed. What do you say we get out of here, head back to my place and make love on them?"
Those close to Jeter, the noted bachelor and ladies man, say it's a huge step for him to use the "p" word with a woman.
"That's why I know this relationship is for real," said a longtime friend of the shortstop. "When I saw him spending more time on the phone with his attorney, I knew something was up. And then to hear him say 'prenup' about Minka well, I knew it was special. He's serious about not letting her get his money. It's adorable. He had his attorney draw up the document so there were little hearts in place of the periods. He's like a love-struck teenager with really good legal representation."