Yankees Announce That Derek Jeter Will Now Depressingly Age Before Our Eyes at the Major League Level

New York Yankees general manager Brian Cashman announced today that shortstop Derek Jeter will be called up from his rehab assignment tonight to continue his horribly depressing aging ... Continue Reading →

Someone Writing a Column That Gives Credit for Yankees’ Surprising Start to Derek Jeter

Someone somewhere is currently working on a column that will credit the New York Yankees' surprising start to the season to the leadership of Derek Jeter. The veteran shortstop ... Continue Reading →

A Day-in-the-Life of Fat Derek Jeter

11:00 a.m. – Wakes up and for breakfast eats an entire container of fattening whipped cream off of the body of the model laying beside him. 11:10 a.m. – Is so lazy he ... Continue Reading →

Derek Jeter Fractures America’s Heart

He’ll be back in three months. We may never recover. Continue Reading →

Derek Jeter Still Undecided on Which Supermodel to Pick Up for 2012 Season

With the regular season quickly approaching, Yankee executives are quietly becoming concerned about team captain Derek Jeter's inability to decide which unbelievably hot woman ... Continue Reading →

The One-Night Stand Parting Gifts of Other New York Yankees

The New York Post reported that Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter sends off his one-night stands with a gift bag including signed memorabilia. What a charmer! Here's what some of ... Continue Reading →

David Ortiz is Bad at Sliding

He can't field, throw, run or slide. HALL OF FAMER! Continue Reading →

Yankees Offer to Trade Fan Derek Jeter in Exchange for Any Baseball

Christian Lopez, the Yankees fan who caught Derek Jeter's 3,000th hit and then exchanged the ball for tickets and memorabilia, says he has been contacted by New York general manager ... Continue Reading →

Congratulations to Derek Jeter on His 3,000th Home Run!

Suck it, Bonds! Continue Reading →

Derek Jeter’s Range Gives Up Its 3,000th Hit

Derek Jeter's fielding range yielded its 3,000th hit last night on weak ground ball up the middle in the 5th inning. Jeter went to his left to field a ball that almost all of ... Continue Reading →

Derek Jeter’s Career Low: This Jersey

That jersey doesn’t even have intangibles. Continue Reading →

What should the Yankees do with Jorge Posada and Derek Jeter?

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Derek Jeter Scraps Plan To Use A Large, Red, Plastic, Wiffle Ball Bat

Yankee captain Derek Jeter worked all offseason to change his approach at the plate after a career-worst 2010 campaign. But after an ever worse start to the 2011 season, Jeter is already ... Continue Reading →

A-Rod’s Jeter Butt Slap Memorialized In Cake Form

It must be Brian Cashman’s birthday. Continue Reading →

Go To Wrigley Field for the Beer, Stay for … Derek Jeter?

A century-plus of failure has finally defeated their self-respect. Continue Reading →

Derek Jeter is Really Not Aging Well

Showing up to a Jets game like this can’t help his case for a big contract. Continue Reading →

Derek Jeter Wins American League Cy Young Award

Derek Jeter's trophy case got a little more crowded today. After winning his fifth Gold Glove yesterday, baseball writers awarded the Yankees shortstop his first Cy Young award ... Continue Reading →

Report: Derek Jeter Demands to be Paid $1 Million for Each Intangible

Derek Jeter and his agent are digging in against New York Yankees management in what could be an ugly and protracted contract negotiation for the 36 year-old shortstop. Yankees part ... Continue Reading →