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VIDEO: Yankees Fans Struggling to Cope with Derek Jeter’s Retirement

5,000 hits is just 11 or so a game from here on out. We believe in you, Derek! Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: Derek Jeter Repeatedly Denies Grabby Girl to Give Baseball to Little Kid

Doing things like this could cause Derek Jeter to become loved. Continue Reading →
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Astros Present Derek Jeter with Retirement Gift of Miss Texas

Derek Jeter’s farewell tour kicked off in full force in Houston last night as the Astros presented the retiring shortstop with cowboys boots, a Stetson hat, golf clubs and Miss ... Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: Cleveland TV Sports Talk Guy Fed Up with Idiotic Fan Re: Derek Jeter to the Indians

You’re in the wrong business, guy. There’s an unlimited supply of idiotic sports fans. Continue Reading →
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Derek Jeter’s 12 Most Disgusting Girlfriends

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New York Yankees Retirement Card for Derek Jeter

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Derek Jeter’s Retirement Tour to Give Baseball a Chance to Praise the Yankee Captain

Derek Jeter announced Wednesday that the 2014 season will be his last. The early notice gives the Yankees and MLB time to coordinate a retirement tour for the longtime shortstop that ... Continue Reading →
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Yankees Announce That Derek Jeter Will Now Depressingly Age Before Our Eyes at the Major League Level

New York Yankees general manager Brian Cashman announced today that shortstop Derek Jeter will be called up from his rehab assignment tonight to continue his horribly depressing aging ... Continue Reading →
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Someone Writing a Column That Gives Credit for Yankees’ Surprising Start to Derek Jeter

Someone somewhere is currently working on a column that will credit the New York Yankees' surprising start to the season to the leadership of Derek Jeter. The veteran shortstop ... Continue Reading →
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A Day-in-the-Life of Fat Derek Jeter

11:00 a.m. – Wakes up and for breakfast eats an entire container of fattening whipped cream off of the body of the model laying beside him. 11:10 a.m. – Is so lazy he ... Continue Reading →
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Derek Jeter Fractures America’s Heart

He’ll be back in three months. We may never recover. Continue Reading →
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Derek Jeter Still Undecided on Which Supermodel to Pick Up for 2012 Season

With the regular season quickly approaching, Yankee executives are quietly becoming concerned about team captain Derek Jeter's inability to decide which unbelievably hot woman ... Continue Reading →
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The One-Night Stand Parting Gifts of Other New York Yankees

The New York Post reported that Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter sends off his one-night stands with a gift bag including signed memorabilia. What a charmer! Here's what some of ... Continue Reading →