SportsPickle - Filed Under "Dave Saraiva" http://www.sportspickle.com/tag/dave-saraiva Filed Under "Dave Saraiva" /article/965 Madden Cover Jinx Strikes Drew Brees in Form of Massive Oil Spill Tue, 08 Jun 2010 09:03:49 -0400 For years, Saints quarterback Drew Brees believed the fabled “Madden cover jinx” was a fairy tale dreamed up by superstitious people drawing parallels between unrelated events. However, recent events off the coast of Louisiana have made a believer out of Brees, who fears the massive gulf oil spill is a direct result of his being placed on the cover of Madden 2011.


“Wow, I always thought that Madden cover curse fake,” Brees said while watching coverage of the disaster. “I mean, the minute I get put on the cover – boom – there’s a big oil disaster right of the coast of the state I’m sitting in. They say the damage could ruin the Louisiana fishing industry. I guess I should feel a little guilty. If I didn’t have such a great year last year, none of this would be happening right now.”


...]]> /article/936 Rex Ryan Chosen as Site for 2014 Coronary Wed, 26 May 2010 11:01:51 -0400 It’s been an exciting week for the New York metropolitan area. First, the New Meadowlands Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey was chosen as the site for the 2014 Super Bowl. Now, the New York Post reports that Jets coach Rex Ryan has been chosen as the site for a massive 2014 coronary failure. Ryan said he was “honored” by the distinction but admitted to being a little concerned.


...]]> /article/900 BP to Attempt to Place Carlos Lee Over Oil Gusher Thu, 13 May 2010 07:30:35 -0400 In its latest attempt to contain a catastrophic oil spill, the British Petroleum company has announced plans to lower Astros left fielder Carlos Lee over the gusher. BP hopes the size and girth of the slugger will be enough to plug the leak and buy workers time to repair it.


BP chairman Lamar McKay said the company was hoping to submerge Lee by the end of the week.


“We’re hoping to get him down there under water by Friday at the latest,” said McKay. “Carlos is a very large man and his body should provide enough mass to jam up that leak pretty good. Then our technicians can get in there and fix the problem. This should actually be easier to pull off than the big box because the box couldn’t swim.”


...]]> /article/854 13 Ways to Shorten MLB Games Mon, 26 Apr 2010 15:21:29 -0400 Everybody is complaining about the length of baseball games these days, from fat umpires to self-righteous journalists, to…well, that’s about it. Here a few ways to shorten the national pastime so we can stop listening to people complain about it.


1. Put in a time limit between pitches


The SEC conference will use a pitch clock at its 2010 conference tournament. Twenty seconds will be allowed between pitches when no runners are on base. This is a common sense approach to speeding up the game. Just don't say so to SEC fans. Those people are obnoxious enough already about their football teams.


...]]> /article/798 Iron Man to Take On Mike Krzyzewski in Upcoming Sequel Wed, 07 Apr 2010 07:35:18 -0400 With the new Iron Man movie,Iron Man 2, set to hit theatres next month, rumors are already circulating about possible storylines for the third installment, set to be released in 2012. One rumor, which has been making the rounds on the internet for weeks, was confirmed today by Marvel Studios: the main villain inIron Man 3will be none other than ultra-evil Duke head coach Mike Krzyzewski.


...]]> /article/760 New NFL OT Rule Stipulates Brett Favre Must Get the Ball Once Wed, 24 Mar 2010 09:39:01 -0400 In a ruling that will change the way NFL games are played, the league has approved a new, modified sudden death proposal. The proposal, which will take effect for 2010 season, stipulates that Vikings quarterback Brett Favre should get the ball at least once in overtime.


The ruling eliminates the nightmare scenario of an overtime game ending without the beloved QB having a chance to score.


...]]> /article/737 LaDainian Tomlinson to Sit First Two Months of Season with Jet Lag Tue, 16 Mar 2010 10:40:45 -0400 One day after signing LaDainian Tomlinson to a two-year, $5 million contract, the Jets received some bad news from their new running back: Tomlinson, exhausted from jet lag after flying back and forth to and from San Diego, will skip the first two months of the season in order to “stay fresh.”


“This is just a minor setback for me,” Tomlinson told radio host Mike Francesca. “I’m feeling very tired from flying between San Diego and New York and obviously I’m going to be doing a lot more of those trips leading up to the season, so I really need to….oh, God, I’m tired … excuse me. Wow. I don't want to yawn. Where was I? Oh, so I really need to sit out for the first two months of the season. Could I play? I suppose it’s possible. But I don’t want to go out there and put myself at risk if I’m only 98 or 99 percent. I need to be 100 percent.”


...]]> /article/673 Teenage Snowboarder"s Mom Okay with Him Teasing Death Tue, 23 Feb 2010 13:28:27 -0500 Fifteen-year-old Benny Calvert got his first snowboard at the age of 13 and has been riding ever since. Though he is barely a high school student and has no formal training, he spends nearly all his free time launching off ramps and hurtling through the air, avoiding certain death through mere luck.


His mom, Julie Calvert, is perfectly okay with all this.


“Oh I’m fine with it. I think it’s great,” said Calvert, 44. “You know, a lot of parents would be terrified of watching their child tease death several time a day, but for me, it’s all very exciting. I mean, what’s the worst that can really happen? My baggy-clothed, floppy-haired, pot-smoking, irresponsible, disrespectful son crashes on his snowboard and dies? Oh no! One less X-Gaming douche in the world! Whatever shall we do?”


...]]> /article/639 The final grade on this year's Super Bowl commercials Thu, 11 Feb 2010 13:12:16 -0500 Another Super Bowl has come and gone, and with it, a bunch of ads. SportsPickle has taken the liberty of grading these ads. So if you Tivo’d the Super Bowl and want to know which ads to skip, this is the guide for you.


Also: the Saints won. Spoiled it for you, dumbass!HA!


Product: Bud Light




...]]> /article/616 Member of Peyton Manning's Posse Opens Fire Inside Nightclub Wed, 03 Feb 2010 11:23:45 -0500 TMZ is reporting that Colts quarterback Peyton Manning and several members of his entourage were arrested early this morning after one of them opened fire inside a Miami gentleman’s club. The incident occurred at 3:25 AM at King of Diamonds, a club located near South Beach.


According to witnesses, the incident started when members of Manning’s posse exchanged words with another group of men, reportedly over a woman. Within minutes, the words escalated to pushing and shoving and shots were fired resulting in a “mini-riot” as patrons rushed to the exit.


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