News Danica Patrick's Car Out for the Season with Torn Engine
The car came out of a turn awkwardly during a practice run at Phoenix International Raceway. After sitting on the track for several minutes, the car drove off gingerly but under its own power. Footage of the incident showed the front of the car bending grotesquely, and sickened several who saw it.
"Obviously, this would be a big blow to our team, and we hope for the best right now," said Patrick, the car's driver. "But if the engine is torn, we'll just have to find another car and do our best. No one will feel sorry for us because we got a torn engine."
Patrick's backup car is an old Chevelle that hasn't raced in decades. Her team is reportedly scouting the waiver wire, used car lots and AutoTrader.com for other options.
News Danica Patrick Motivated to Prove That Women Can Drive Cars
"Women have always heard how we're not big enough or strong enough to compete with men in sports and that we can't drive cars," said Patrick. "I want to be the one who proves to the world that women can drive cars."
In fact, women can drive cars in the United States and in every other country in the world, as well.
"I don't know about that," said Patrick. "If that were true, I wouldn't be so inspirational. No, I'm pretty sure car driving is not a thing most women are allowed to do."
According to studies, more women than men have drivers licenses in the United States.
"Look, if you go and stand by a road, I'm sure you'll see some cars not driven by women," said Patrick. "That's because not all women believe they can drive cars. But I'm out to prove that they can. So there."
Picture IndyCar Crowns Danica Patrick Indianapolis 500 Champion
It's not safe making jokes at 225 mph.
Picture Danica Patrick Definitely Needs Car Insurance
You see, she's marketable because she's mildly attractive and sometimes finishes races.
Picture Danica Patrick Arm Tattoo
He also has Freddy Adu, Anna Kournikova and Michelle Wie tattoos.
Picture A father warns his daughter about pursuing her dreams, lest she become a female douchebag like Danica Patrick.
News Danica Patrick Nags Car to 5th Place Finish in Indy 500
Danica Patrick earned one of her best finishes ever at the Indianapolis 500 on Sunday thanks to incessantly nagging her car around the track.
"You have to keep on the car," said Patrick. "My car and my team. They're all worthless and they need to be reminded of that at every opportunity or nothing good will ever happen. I tell my car at least every lap that it's lucky to have me in it and that it's making me look bad."
Patrick started the race the 23rd spot but finished fifth. "And I had to do it almost all by myself," she said. "My car kept being all like: 'Wah! I need gas! I need tires!' It's pathetic. You don't see me asking for that stuff. But do I get credit for that? Pfft. Right. I don't get credit for anything, even though I'm the best driver out here."
Dave Shipley, Patrick's crew chief, admitted that dealing with Patrick can get tiresome. "But, oh God, please don't tell her I said that," Shipley begged. "Please. If she finds out I said something bad about her, I'll be in big trouble. You have no idea."
Other sources close to Patrick say they are not sure how much longer her car can put up with it.
"We all know there are certain rules about how you treat a driver," said an anonymous crew member. "But she better watch herself. If she keeps running her little trap, I think the car is going to snap and crash her into a wall. Not that I think that's okay. But sometimes you have it coming, you know?"


