"I don't know if any team has asked for a bye month before, but the league works around team requests and stadium schedules all the time," said Jerry Jones. "So I hope the NFL respects our wishes and lets us wrap up our regular season by November 31st."
While slightly above average in September, October and November, the talented Cowboys historically collapse in December and plummet down the NFC East standings. The request to take December off is a transparent attempt to avoid yet another December swoon.
Although the Cowboys deny they are paralyzed by another season-ending string of losses.
"What? No. Not at all," said quarterback Tony Romo. "What would give you that impression? We're all very confident in December and aren't in any way consumed by impending feelings of doom during every waking moment. It's just that in December we have plans to you know, well it's a busy time. Christmas shopping and stuff. Relatives visiting. The team holiday party. You know, it's just not a good month for us as far as carving out time to play football. I hope the NFL can respect that. But, no, we definitely don't fear December and I don't by any means have a psychiatrist who I talk to about that exact issue three times a week. No, sir."
"Roger is just a little guy, but we all love him a great deal," said Rob, pulling up his shirt to reveal a his twin protruding from his midsection. An identical brother with Rob and Rex Ryan, the Jets head coach, Roger has flowing gray hair and a goatee.
"How you fkers doin' out there?" said Roger. "Any of you ladies ever done it with a conjoined?" he added before Rob pulled his shirt back down over Roger's body.
"I felt it was time to reveal the truth," said Rob. "People were asking me about the weird protuberance under my shirt, asking if I had some extreme tumor or even if I was pregnant. No, it's just Roger. And he's put some weight on lately. It's been a stressful season."
Rob also blamed Roger for some of the late-game calls that have seen the Cowboys defense collapse repeatedly in the fourth quarter of games.
"I just want to set the record straight, it's Roger who has been making those calls," said Rob, as muffled yells of "You fking lie, you fat fk!" came from under his shirt. "Yeah, Roger is pretty much a total moron. I have to stop listening to him," said Rob, punching at his stomach until Roger quieted.
Picture Tony Romo is Very Surprised
He must have just seen the fourth quarter.
Picture Tony Romo's High School Yearbook
Antonio probably blew it all over his prom date.
Picture Xbox Romo Achievement
You then somehow blow getting this achievement.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Especially the delusion.
Picture Rob Ryan's Bikini Lady Play Card
Is she wearing shoes? Because Rex would find that disgusting.
Picture Tony Romo and Pee-Wee Herman
Pick which one you'd rather have starting a playoff game for you.