Picture America is a Better GM Than Jerry Jones
You have to work pretty had to be dumber than America, Jerry Jones.
News Johnny Manziel Signs 5-Year, $150 Million Deal with Dallas Cowboys Because He Can Do Whatever He Wants
Manziel is technically not even eligible for the NFL draft until next year, let alone unrestricted free agency, and this year's free agents are not allowed to be signed until next week, but NFL commissioner Roger Goodell said the deal is approved.
"It's Johnny Manziel. Who's going to say no to him? What a guy," said Goodell. "Plus, it wasn't really up to me to turn it down anyway. Johnny called me up and told me how it was going to be."
Despite signing with the Cowboys, Manziel retains his college eligibility under the deal for as long as he wants it.
"I figure I'll play some college ball on Saturday, have some fun in College Station on Saturday night, then fly to Dallas or wherever Sunday morning to play for the Cowboys," said Manziel. "I think I'm at the age where I'm ready for this. I can't still be partying on Sunday afternoons anymore."
Manziel said he is also willing to join his Cowboys teammates on Saturday night if there is a big game or "if they're playing in Miami or New Orleans or some place like that."
The deal also gives Manziel courtside seats to every NBA game, access to Hollywood premieres and awards shows, and unlimited use of Kate Upton – although Manziel insists "trust me, I already have that."
Picture Tony Romo: Indoor Soccer Player
Luckily interceptions aren't a thing in soccer.
Picture Rob Ryan's Cowboy Defense Was the Worst Ever
That sucky Tony Romo couldn't score 356 points per game.
Picture America Hates America's Team
Hmm. It almost makes you think that they're not … nah. Foolish thought.
Picture Even Tony Romo's Action Figure is Disappointing
Now you can have that dejectedly-standing-on-the-sidelines-in-defeat fun at home!
Picture Amazing Photo of Tony Romo's Spirit Leaving His Body
His soul was intercepted.
Picture Texas Rangers Urged to Not Choke Like Tony Romo
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including the collapsing.
