He'd get punched more often if he didn't look like a lady.
Weird. Even for Bosh.
I don't care for how they enjoy themselves playing sports.
Or maybe Dwyane Wade videobombed the latest Bosh performance.
He looks like he's been wanting to do that his whole life.
Teammates looked on with horror and disgust as Bosh parted his reptilian mouth and made prolonged intimate contact with the trophy, leaving a greenish strand of saliva dangling from its 24 karat gold overlay.
"I'M JUST SO HAPPY!" Bosh shouted before offering the trophy to Udonis Haslem, who backed off cautiously, refusing to embrace the prize of their hard-fought season.
"No way, man, that's nasty," said Haslem. "I think I'll just get showered up and head home."
Bosh, drenched in champagne and perched gargoyle-like on a bench, then took the trophy and rubbed it gingerly against his grotesquely extended neck, his hands trembling with methamphetaminic aplomb.
Ahhhh! Giant dinoman!
Picture Chris Bosh Debuts New Face
He spent his injury time workshopping some new looks.
"It's the hardest thing I've ever had to decide, but it's for the best," said Lebron James, his eyes still full of tears after meeting with teammates. "He's the best Bosh I've ever had. But I don't want him to suffer. And even if he gets better, we can't know if he'll ever be the same. This is the most merciful thing to do."
Heat forward Dwyane Wade said he is having trouble looking at Bosh's face since the decision was made by a unanimous team vote.
"He has no idea what's going to happen," said Wade, his lip quivering. "Even though his body is failing, he still has that same happy, stupid look on his face. And those deep Bosh eyes I just I can't look at him. It hurts too much."
Yet while the Heat players say it was an emotional decision, there was a cold, practical element to it, as well.
"I wish it wasn't this way, but it is," said team president Pat Riley. "We've been dropping tons of money at the vet paying for his care and there's no end in sight. Just yesterday I spent $113 for some ointment for his ears. That's crazy. I love him, but at the end of the day, he's still only a Bosh. He's not a human being."
Ahhh, it's claw is so adorable!