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PICTURE: Randy Quaid Plays for the Blues and Had His Way with Jonathan Toews

Shitter’s full! Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: Joel Quenneville and His Crotch Disagree with the Refs

Mr. Quenneville’s crotch makes a good point. Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: Patrick Kane Scores Own-Goal from the Length of the Ice

He’s just that … good? Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: Blackhawks’ Ice Girl Gives Butt Shot to Goal Cam

  Well, I never. No one wants to see that. I trust she was fired promptly.  Continue Reading →
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Patrick Kane Finally Shows Up for NHL Season After 5-Month Celebratory Bender

Chicago Blackhawks star Patrick Kane showed up for his team’s morning skate today, the first time his teammates or coaches have seen him since early July in the weeks following ... Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: Drunk Blackhawks Fan Steals Adam Pardy’s Helmet

He needs a helmet because he plans to fall down later. Continue Reading →
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PICTURE: Justin Bieber Has Forever Ruined the Stanley Cup

  This is probably Patrick Kane’s fault. Continue Reading →
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Blackhawks Schedule Parade for as Soon as Patrick Kane is Sober Enough to Appear in Public

The Chicago Blackhawks won their second Stanley Cup in four years on Monday night and Chicagoland is ready to celebrate with a parade. City officials announced today that the parade ... Continue Reading →
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Papa John: Not a Big NHL Fan

He’s probably still drunk from Louisville’s national title. Continue Reading →
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For Hockey Morons: Blackhawks, Bruins and Their Non-Hockey Equivalents!

*Zdeno Chara* = a really tall and strong tree, preferably a tall and strong tree from Slovakia Tuukka Rask = something that stops stuff. Stop sign? Road block? Drain stopper? One of ... Continue Reading →
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3rd Grade Blackhawks Fan Awesomely Fails Her Math Test

Her teacher should be thrown out of Chicago. Continue Reading →
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Chicago Loves Its Black Cocks

O. Duya? Continue Reading →
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Patrick Kane Hoping Lady Byng is a Hot Chick

Patrick Kane was announced today as one of three finalists for the Lady Byng. The young Blackhawks star said he is excited by the news. "So, she might call me?" said a hungover ... Continue Reading →
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BREAKING: The Blackhawks Had a Lot of Sex During the Regular Season

But they're pros, so they want to have sex in the playoffs, too. Continue Reading →
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Perfect Chicago Blackhawks Wedding

Too bad Jeff Tildethdoouspart is the minors right now. Continue Reading →
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Patrick Kane Kicks a Guy in the Crotch with His Skate

It's the most athletic way to get circumcised. Continue Reading →
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Mr. T Shoots the Puck at Chicago Blackhawks Game

I pity the hockey team that has Mr. T on it. Continue Reading →
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10 Reasons the Chicago Blackhawks SUCK

10. The Blackhawks barely beat anyone Chicago's 21-0-3 record is all smoke and mirrors. They only have a plus-32 goal differential on the season. Their last 10 wins have come ... Continue Reading →