Picture Jay Cutler Not a Fan of Photographers
Pretty tough for a guy with an opposite-of-tough game.
News Jay Cutler: "It's not okay to mock me for worshipping Satan"
“I worship Satan. Everything I do and say is for Beelzebub,” said Cutler. “I don’t see why people think my personal beliefs are to be mocked. You wouldn’t hear this about a player who was a Christian or a Muslim. But for some reason in this society, people think it’s okay to look down on you for trying to live an evil life. It’s wrong. I will feel no remorse when I kill them and eat their organs.”
Cutler says he came upon Satanism the way anyone finds their true faith.
“The world is a horrible place, simultaneously full of misery and nothing,” he said. “I am reminded of this every time I am sacked. And because life is a meaningless trek to death and eternal blackness, why would I pick one of those fairy religions that talk about love and crap?”
Picture Very Clever Chicago Bears Sign
That's 14 seconds of dedication right there.
News Jay Cutler Breaks Up with His Center After Bad Snap
After the ball fell to the ground between them, Cutler ripped his helmet off, walked off the field and was heard yelling at head coach Lovie Smith: “Get him out of my sight! I can’t ever be on a field with him again! Ever!” He then stormed into the locker room, where sources say he had “a good cry.”
Spencer was confused by Cutler’s reaction, insisting the snap had been clean but that the quarterback had pulled away too fast.
“Oh, of course that’s what he would say,” said Cutler. “He’s always blaming me. Well, I’ve had enough. These little things have been adding up and I can’t take it anymore. We’re over. There’s no way I’m spending my whole career with him.”
Picture Jay Cutler Went As A Twinkie For Halloween
The soft, creamy filling was his heart. (via KSK)
Video Little Girl is Sad the Bears Lost
I want kids who are fans of my team's rival so I can taunt them and make them cry.
Picture 2 QBs Jay Cutler Can Use As Examples To Improve His Image
Dog-killing and sexual assault allegations don't matter if you're TOUGH.
Opinion "Jay Cutler Visits The Doctor": A Short Play
- Dr. Steve
Hi, Jay. How are you today?
- Cutler
Hi, Dr. Steve. I’m okay.
- Dr. Steve
Really? Lovie told me you hurt your knee.
- Cutler
Yeah, I guess so.
- Dr. Steve
You guess so? Lovie said you couldn’t go out and play yesterday because of it.
- Cutler
Yeah.
- Dr. Steve
Well, which knee is it? I’ll take a look and we’ll see what we can do.
- Cutler
It’s my left one. Or maybe my right one. I can’t really remember.
- Dr. Steve
You can’t remember? Well, it can’t hurt that bad.
- Cutler
I don’t know. I’m pretty tough.
- Dr. Steve
Jay?
- Cutler
Yes, Dr. Steve?
- Dr. Steve
Did you just make up this whole story so you could come here today and get a lollipop?
- Cutler
No.
- Dr. Steve
Jay?
- Cutler
Can I have a lollipop?
- Dr. Steve
Jay, we’ve talked about how lollipops are bad for you.
- Cutler
But I like lollipops.
- Dr. Steve
But your diabetes, Jay. You can’t have them.
- Cutler
I know.
- Dr. Steve
And Jay?
- Cutler
Yeah, Dr. Steve?
- Dr. Steve
You’re almost 28 years-old now. I like you. But it’s probably time you stop coming to see me. I am a pediatrician. A kid’s doctor. The mural on the wall behind you is of a teddy bear holding balloons.
Opinion 4 Tribute Songs That Will Make You Hate All 4 Remaining NFL Teams
Chicago Bears: “Hest Is The Best”
Sample lyric: Hest is the best, meets the test, you know the man is blessed.
Poetic license is fine, but there are limits. You can’t change the name of the person your song is dedicated to just to make it fit your chorus. And Devin Hester’s nickname is not “Hest.” Notice that in 1985 there was no “Payt Is So Great” song.
What this song says about the team: This isn’t a tribute song for a quarterback or a defense or a star receiver. No, it’s a song about a kick returner. When your most tribute-worthy player is a kick returner, that’s how you become a home underdog in a conference championship game.
Performance notes: If you are a performer lauding someone’s speed and athletic ability, you should try not to be so obese that you have to slump against a stage when you sing.
