October 19, 2011

Picture NFL.com Asks the Easiest Question Ever

Next column: Do you like football?

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September 2, 2009

News AVOID: Carson Palmer, QB, Bengals

AVOID: Carson Palmer, QB, Bengals— Like a hot dog, Carson Palmer may seem appetizing, but he is tainted by toxic ingredients you should avoid if you are smart.


Consider the similarity between what fills a hot dog and what surrounds Carson Palmer.


Hot dog: leftover scrap meats /Bengals: Cedric Benson


Hot dog: saturated fats /Bengals: Andre Smith


Hot dog: filler /Bengals: Chad Ochocinco


Hot dog: floor scrapings / Bengals: Laveranues Coles


Hot dog: mechanically separated poultry / Bengals: Chris Henry


Hot dog: preservatives / Bengals: Marvin Lewis


Hot dog: unidentifiable /Bengals: Ben Utecht


And even if Carson Palmer wasgood … and even if he wasn't injury prone … and even if he played on a good team … really. That picture. You can't draft him. You just can't. You must question his judgment. If there's one pass on the line with my fantasy season in the balance, I don't want the guy who thought it was a savvy marketing move to fellate a weiner making the decision on where to put the ball.

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Filed Under   NFL   Cincinnati Bengals   Carson Palmer