Tom Brady does not care for this flippant rendition.
Mmmmm. The Carolina Panthers icing tastes like failure. (via SB Nation)
- Detroit Lions -- Nick Fairley and Ndamukong Suh give the Lions two young, strong players who can help carry Matthew Stafford off the field when he's injured
- Atlanta Falcons -- when you can trade two drafts away for a new No. 2 receiver, you do it!
- Cincinnati Bengals -- QB Andy Dalton and WR A.J. Green have the potential to develop into a less whiny version of Carson Palmer and Chad Ochocinco
- New York Jets -- they stuck to their organizational philosophy and acquired the most overrated players available
- New England Patriots -- Ryan Mallett gives the Patriots a young quarterback option for when Tom Brady inevitably retires to join the ballet
- Minnesota Vikings -- taking Christian Ponder at No. 12 overall seems like a reach, but not if you have no idea what you're doing
- Carolina Panthers -- Cam Newton will be motivated to be a great NFL player when all of his college records and awards are wiped out
According to sources close to the Panthers, they will instruct commissioner Roger Goodell to announce their selection in this way: "With the first pick in the 2011 NFL Draft, the Carolina Panthers say Cam Newton is kind of a dick." That will cause the Panthers to forfeit the No. 1 pick to Denver and slide to No. 2, where they may select Alabama defensive tackle Marcell Dareus.
"All of these scouts and media members who are ganging up on Cam seem to really be enjoying themselves," said Panthers GM Marty Hurney. "So since we weren't completely sold on Cam becoming an NFL quarterback, we thought we'd take the opportunity to really stick it to him in primetime before all the football fans in the country, the cocky, cheating prick."
While Newton is a rare talent with an outgoing personality, he has also faced shots around the league for his presumed knowledge of his father's selling him to colleges and a perceived lack of sincerity.
"I asked Cam right out if he was a lying asshole," said one NFL general manager. "And he looked me right in the eyes and said he was not. That's just what a lying asshole would say."
Karma probably also hates his ugly gloves.
The NFL is ready for gay backup quarterbacks. (via Deadspin)
Eh. The Panthers vets could have humiliated him more by leaving him in his regular clothes. (via @fgunnell)
"Whoa. Too hard, bro. Too hard."
Carolina Panthers rookie quarterback Jimmy Clausen was named the team's new starter on Monday by head coach John Fox a move Fox says he immediately regretted.
This Jake Delhomme commercial should also have its contract bought out. (VIDEO)