Who is worse: the Panthers or their fans? Let's flip a coin.
"I had no idea," said rookie receiver Joe Adams. "Some of these old-heads have amazing stories to tell. Now, I don't know if you can believe everything the vets say. They like to put you on. But Mr. Newton told it like it was real."
Rookie linebacker Luke Kuechly said he also enjoyed listening to Newton.
"First of all, it was great to hear some little-known NFL history," he said. "But it also made me realize that I have to treasure my time in the NFL. It's amazing to think you could go from supposedly being the next big thing to you know, what Mr. Newton is now."
The seemingly rash decision is the end of a precipitous slide. The duo seemed to have control of the football world in 2010 when they guided Auburn to a 14-0 record and a national championship. Newton then left for the NFL where he had statistical, but not wins and losses success in 2011, while Chizik's Tigers slid to an 8-5 record. The 2012 season has been far worse. Newton and Chizik have a combined 2-13 record and both have received heavy criticism nationally and from their own fanbase.
But they will no longer hear those attacks, because today the two men stand carefree on a beautiful remote beach 2,000 miles from Auburn, Ala., completely anonymous.
"I knew Cam had been talking to Chizik lately and they were talking about all the good times they had and how they were better off together," said Panthers wide receiver Steve Smith. "I guess those conversations developed to this. Cam has to live his own life, but I think he'll regret this. Chizik seems like he would get pretty boring and predictable after 10 minutes, let alone 30 or 40 years."
From @jimmyclausen AKA Carolina Panthers quarterback Jimmy Clausen
Sex scandal or gambling? I'm betting on gambling.
"I love the sport of football, but I also want challenges in my life," Newton said today at a press conference at Bank of America Stadium in Charlotte. "And I don't know what else I can really do in this game. It's time for me to move on."
In his first NFL regular season game, Newton set the record for most passing yards in an NFL debut. In Week 2, he set an NFL record for most passing yards to open a season through two weeks. The Heisman winner already has as many 400-yard passing games in his career as Brett Favre, Jim Kelly and John Elway, and more than Fran Tarkenton, Troy Aikman, Bart Starr and Roger Staubach.
"Cam is the greatest quarterback I have ever seen live," said Panthers third-string quarterback Jimmy Clausen. "Even better than Matt Moore and Dayne Crist."
The Panthers suck because they spend their offseasons doing this.
He gets high ratings in the "Cashflow" category, however.
Tom Brady does not care for this flippant rendition.