Column
Tweet of the Week
Third-String Quarterbacks: They're Just Like Us!
From @jimmyclausen AKA Carolina Panthers quarterback Jimmy Clausen …
Picture The Downfall of Cam Newton Has Begun
Sex scandal or gambling? I'm betting on gambling.
News Cam Newton Announces His Retirement from the NFL: "There's nothing more I can accomplish"
“I love the sport of football, but I also want challenges in my life,” Newton said today at a press conference at Bank of America Stadium in Charlotte. “And I don’t know what else I can really do in this game. It’s time for me to move on.”
In his first NFL regular season game, Newton set the record for most passing yards in an NFL debut. In Week 2, he set an NFL record for most passing yards to open a season through two weeks. The Heisman winner already has as many 400-yard passing games in his career as Brett Favre, Jim Kelly and John Elway, and more than Fran Tarkenton, Troy Aikman, Bart Starr and Roger Staubach.
“Cam is the greatest quarterback I have ever seen live,” said Panthers third-string quarterback Jimmy Clausen. “Even better than Matt Moore and Dayne Crist.”
Picture Carolina Panthers Do Some Planking (Or Possibly Come Out)
The Panthers suck because they spend their offseasons doing this.
Picture Madden 12 Knows that Cam Newton is Oblivious
He gets high ratings in the "Cashflow" category, however.
Video Cam Newton Sings Justin Bieber
Tom Brady does not care for this flippant rendition.
Picture Cam Newton's Birthday Cake Might Belong to Cam Newton
Mmmmm. The Carolina Panthers icing tastes like failure. (via SB Nation)
News Panthers to Use the First Pick to Announce That Cam Newton is a Big Jerk
According to sources close to the Panthers, they will instruct commissioner Roger Goodell to announce their selection in this way: “With the first pick in the 2011 NFL Draft, the Carolina Panthers say Cam Newton is kind of a dick.” That will cause the Panthers to forfeit the No. 1 pick to Denver and slide to No. 2, where they may select Alabama defensive tackle Marcell Dareus.
“All of these scouts and media members who are ganging up on Cam seem to really be enjoying themselves,” said Panthers GM Marty Hurney. “So since we weren’t completely sold on Cam becoming an NFL quarterback, we thought we’d take the opportunity to really stick it to him in primetime before all the football fans in the country, the cocky, cheating prick.”
While Newton is a rare talent with an outgoing personality, he has also faced shots around the league for his presumed knowledge of his father’s selling him to colleges and a perceived lack of sincerity.
“I asked Cam right out if he was a lying asshole,” said one NFL general manager. “And he looked me right in the eyes and said he was not. That’s just what a lying asshole would say.”
