They must be hungry.
News NBA Requests That All Insults of Carmelo Anthony's Wife be Submitted in Writing Prior to Tip-Off
"I get that opponents want to say horrible things about Carmelo's wife," said Stern. "They have made that abundantly clear. Insulting LaLa has become part of the fabric of this great game. I just request that it be taken care of before the game begins, so we don't have any incidents in the final minutes or postgame when players should be focusing more on basketball and not quite as much on good zingers about Mrs. Anthony."
The Boston Celtics expressed disappointment in Stern's mandate.
"I'll be honest: I know I have almost no shot of winning another ring with the Celtics," said Kevin Garnett. "The only reason I'm still playing is to say stuff to Carmelo about LaLa during games."
Yet minutes after Stern's announcement, the Celtics submitted 78 pages of cruel jokes about Carmelo's wife.
"We have a lot of material," said Celtics guard Jordan Crawford. "We would have sent more, but our printer ran out of ink."
#10 Rice Krispies
Hearing Rice Kripsies snap, crackle and pop in a bowl of milk is nice. But you haven't really heard them snap, crackle and pop until you've heard them do it in the juices of lovemaking.
Ever eat Kashi? That shit's nasty. Yeah, nasty. I like it nasty.
#8 Puffed Rice
It doesn't matter how much Puffed Rice you have, it's not enough. It doesn't satiate your hunger. You just want more. Puffed Rice is doin' it. Get it? Yeah. Sex and Puffed Rice are two things I always want more of.
Trix are for kids? Hell, no. Not the way I use them. Trix are very adult.
Not cool. Michael Jordan is on record saying that Republicans buy sneakers.
He would have scored, but Carmelo Anthony hogged the ball.
It's decided. The 1992 Dream Team was better.
"I think it really shows the effort I put into defense," said Stoudemire. "I've been in the league 10 years, but this is the first time I've been named to one of the all-defensive teams. I'm glad my defense is finally being noted in a positive way."
Stoudemire and Anthony are joined on the All-Defensive 28th Team by Steve Nash, Hedo Turkoglu and J.J. Redick. The 29th and 30th Teams are made up entirely of Sacramento Kings and Charlotte Bobcats players.
Anthony who, like Stoudemire was named to an All-Defensive team for the first time in his career, says defense is obviously not the Knicks' problem.
"If you average Tyson's Defensive Player of the Year in with me an Amare getting 28th team, we're like top 20 in the league in defense," said Anthony. "You can win with top 20 defense. We just need to score more. I will take that responsibility on me next year by shooting more, even if that means my defense has to suffer a little bit."
News Confident Carmelo Anthony guarantees "Not one, not two, but three" Knicks playoff wins next year
"We're only going to get better," said Anthony. "If we can get me and Amar'e and Tyson Chandler and Jeremy Lin all healthy and playing together through a full training camp and NBA season, as well as maybe adding a few new pieces? I could see us getting all the way to a first round Game 7, I really can."
Anthony says his playoff track record gives him the wisdom to make such a prediction.
"I've been to the playoffs nine times in my career and once made it to the promised land of the second round," he said. "I want to take the Knicks there one day. Maybe not next year, maybe not the year after that. But I can guarantee that the Madison Square Garden rafters will rain confetti and streamers two to possibly three times next year in the playoffs for first round wins, provided we are given a playoff opponent we match up well with, preferably a team who is without several of their top players due to injury."
The Knicks lead the NBA this season in tribute songs.
I think we can all at least agree that Something Else needs to step up.