The Buffalo Bills have adopted the no-huddle offense in training camp thanks to the influence of offensive coordinator and noted existentialist Turk Schonert.
"We reject the structure and necessity of a huddle. We will not be defined by it," said Schonert. "We believe in nothingness. We have stripped ourselves of the huddle and we are free. Also, we think the no-huddle will allow us to dictate the pace of the game and put up some points."
Schonert, a former quarterback at Stanford, studied existential thinkers in a philosophy class at the university and says it has impacted his play-calling throughout his career as a coach.
"I have always identified with existentialism," he said. "But there is such an established structure in football, we are so defined by the huddle, that I could never break free of those limitations."
But then something spurred him to take that leap.
"I had to coach JP Losman," he said. "If that doesn't lead you to question the point of a huddle, to question the meaning of life as a whole, there is something wrong."
Head coach Dick Jauron doesn't care about Schonert's philosophical approach to football and life, he just wants to win games.
"I don't know the first thing about exit-whatever Turk talks about," he said. "It all sounds pretty fay to me. I just want to win. I need to win or I'll lose my job. Turk tells me that makes me a utili-something."
But while Schonert espouses the no-huddle, others are not so sure.
"As the German philosopher Herbert Marcuse said, existentialism projects anxiety and meaningless into all aspects of life," said new Bills receiver Terrell Owens. "And Marcuse's criticism was apt. We will be full of anxiety without the huddle, without talking through the play. And I fear this approach will only make Bills football more meaningless. I already didn't really want to play here."
Our reporter spent the day at Buffalo Bills training camp in Pittsford, NY. Here are his notes.
> So far, Terrell Owens has nothing negative to say about Trent Edwards. He also doesn’t know Trent Edwards’ name.
> In the hot summer sun, Dick Jauron exudes a strong smell of leather.
> The Bills are considering moving their training camp from Pittsford, as their players are too tempted by the fast-paced lifestyle the town provides in comparison to Buffalo.
> First round draft pick Aaron Maybin appears a little wet behind the ears. He should really dry off better when getting out of the shower. If soap suds dry back there the skin behind his ear lobes will crack. I had that happen to me a few times. Hurts!
> I’m not ashamed to say that slot receiver Josh Reed looks good in a pair of mesh shorts.
> I have a hunch about something about the Bills this year. Not sure what it is. Or is it a who? Could also be a when, I guess.