Aroldis Chapman is now funnier than Adam Sandler. It was bound to happen.
Cincinnati Reds pitcher Bronson Arroyo stepped in something on his way into the stadium today and decided to just eat it off the bottom of his shoe in case it could give him some sort of performance advantage.
"Maybe it's not cleared by baseball, maybe it is," he said, swallowing. "Maybe it's just dog poop, maybe it's not. Although it sure smells like it."
Arroyo admitted this week that he takes numerous substances that aren't approved by Major League Baseball.
"I take 10 to 12 different things a day, and on the days I pitch, there's four more things," he told USA Today. "There's a caffeine drink I take from a company that Curt Schilling introduced me to in '05. I take some Korean ginseng and a few other proteins out there that are not certified. But I haven't failed any tests, so I figured I'm good."
Arroyo now is just hoping that what was on his shoe won't cause him to test positive.
"I still have no idea what I had stuck on my shoe," he said. "It looked kind of like if you put gum, grass clippings, gravel and dog doo in a blender, mixed it all together and put it out in the sun for a month. None of those things are illegal by themselves. I'm just hoping I don't get any trace stuff from the gum. Or the poo."
If his latest supplement helps his performance, Arroyo says he will add it to the mix on a regular basis.
"I'll take any advantage I can get," he said. "Flemming discovered penicillin by accident, right? Maybe I'll be lucky enough to ingest something that's the greatest performance enhancer ever. That's my goal. Hey, are you done with that Sprite? Do you mind if I inject the rest of it into my shoulder?"