"It's obviously never an easy decision to set someone on fire," said Astros general manager Jeff Luhnow at a Sunday morning press conference announcing the brutal act. "But in my research of what bad baseball teams do to improve, 'fire' and 'manager' came up everywhere. I would have done it a few weeks ago, but it took me a while to acquire a flame thrower."
The Astros have far and away the worst record in Major League Baseball, have almost no core of young players to build around and are on pace to lose more than 110 games. Now the team's general manager, arrested immediately after his press conference, is facing attempted murder charges.
"Obviously, I should have done a little more research," Luhnow said today, after being arrested. "Fire is not literally involved. Well, lesson learned. Everyone in this organization is learning and improving. In the future, I won't set anyone on fire. I'm sure most reasonable people can understand the confusion."