Filed Under » boxing

#1 — Buster Douglas for SafeAuto

Mike Tyson's loss to Buster Douglas was humiliating. But it got exponentially worse when Douglas' commercial for SafeAuto came out.

Douglas' two claims to fame will forever be: 1) Upsetting Mike Tyson; 2) Being featured in the only TV commercial ever filmed on flip phone.

#2 — Pete Rose's SUPERCHARG'R Energy Bar

Don't have the necessary energy to call in a bet on the baseball team you're managing? You know what you need? Carob! In the late 70s and early 80s Charlie Hustle endorsed the SUPERCHARG'R Energy Bar, a snack that was so cram-packed with energy that it didn't even have time for all of its vowels.

Of course, since we're talking about Rose, there was a bit of sleazy misdirection at play. The bar's wrapper touted the carob-coated treat as "nature's answer to candy," but it also listed the snack's ingredients. First on the list? That most natural of ingredients: high fructose corn syrup. Candy historians have speculated that the bar finally died off after a disastrous "Send in 10 Wrappers, Get a Free Pete Rose Haircut" promotion.

As part of Rose's continuing commitment to serving children healthy snacks, he also endorsed Kool-Aid:

Boxing has been plagued by scandal throughout its history.

But this may be the biggest boxing scandal of all-time. Little Mac's trainer, Doc Louis, tried to have him killed.

Here's the evidence.

The Opponents

Doc Louis regularly scheduled Little Mac to face fighters who dwarfed the young boxer. He paid no heed to established weight classes. In the above example, note that Little Mac's entire upper body was barely the size of one of Super Macho Man's pecs.

In fact, the only character in the game who was even close to Little Mac's size was Mario, the ref. And we all know that Mario possessed skills that would destroy a mere boxer.

- – - – -

The Outfits

Pink? Really? An all-pink track suit? In Brooklyn in the late '80s? Brooklyn of the '80s wasn't exactly as enlightened as it is today.

The only explanation is that Doc Louis was hoping Mac would get jumped and beaten.

SportsPickle asked readers to vote on which American president would win a presidential boxing tournament. After more than 80,000 votes, here are the results.

43. William Henry Harrison

Height: 5'8"

Age in Office: 42

Party: Whig

State: Ohio

Scouting Report: He died of pneumonia 32 days into his term. Harrison's best chance of defeating his opponent would be hacking phlegm into his eyes and then passing out on top of him.

42. Jimmy Carter

Height: 5'9"

Age in Office: 52

Party: Democrat

State: Georgia

Scouting Report: The former peanut farmer would destroy any opponent with a peanut allergy.

41. Herbert Hoover

Height: 5'11"

Age in Office: 54

Party: Republican

State: Iowa, Oregon, California

Scouting Report: Hoover was a Quaker. Maybe they're secretly great fighters. You don't know.

40. John Tyler

Height: 6'0"

Age in Office: 51

Party: Independent

State: Virginia

Scouting Report: The first VP to take over for a dead president. He could handle seeing a man die, so he wouldn't be scared to crack open a man's skull.