Hey, that's Elisha Cuthbert's job, jerk.
It's funny because his team lost 5-2 in their first home playoff game in nine years.
He wins the Too Soon Award for Broadcasting.
"We received word today that while the nation continues to support the people of Boston, sports fans will begin hating the Red Sox again very soon," said a Red Sox front office source. "While I wish that wasn't the case, I completely understand it. I mean, I supported New York after 9/11 and felt great compassion and heartbreak for everyone there, but I still loved it when they lost the 2001 World Series. The people of New York and what New York City represents is not the same as the Yankees baseball team. Screw the Yankees, right?"
Had the chase for the remaining suspect stretched on for several more days, Boston's teams would likely have received near-unanimous support well into next week, but Friday night's speedy resolution means that support will dissipate over the weekend.
"It's not surprising, especially with the playoffs starting," said Celtics head coach Doc Rivers. "Right or wrong, people move on. Although the one thing we might have going for us is that we're playing the Knicks. A lot of fans hate them, too. We might be the least disagreeable option. At least for a series."
Patriots owner Robert Kraft says he has learned the Patriots were never viewed in a sympathetic light.
"Unlike the other three teams, we are not in season," said Kraft. "So no one ever felt the need to stop hating us. We remain universally loathed outside of New England. It's been business as usual around here."
"I realize I'm 47 years old and haven't played in 17 years," said Neely, who was forced to retire in 1996 due to injuries, "but Chris Chelios was still a serviceable player at this age and I'm nothing if not rested. Plus, whatever I might be lacking in speed or skill, I'll make up for it in wanting it more than anyone else."
Neely's career was cut short by a chronic injury to a hip that was initially damaged on a check by Penguins defenseman Ulf Samuelsson. But Neely says he has no hard feelings.
"Ulf isn't on the team anymore. And I simply want to win a Cup," he said. "I always was jealous of how Ray Bourque got to go to the Avalanche to win a championship. This is my shot to do that."
Shero says he is not sure he has a place for Neely.
Not being able to skate: the first skill of all great goalies.
So that's how Sidney Crosby gets those concussions.
What a patriot.