He seems to have forgotten that PEDs are an important part of cycling, too.
News $55 Million Federal Investigation Successfully Forces Barry Bonds to Watch TV at Home for 30 Days
"A lot of hard work went into this," said lead investigator Jeff Novitzky. "But getting those 30 days of house arrest was completely worth all of the time and resources we used. I just wish the judge would have suspended Bonds' Netflix subscription for those 30 days. Then he would have really suffered."
In addition to having to stay at his 15,000-square feet, 2-acre Beverly Hills estate for 30 days, Bonds also received two years of probation and 250 hours of community service although the entire sentence is delayed for appeal, which won't be heard for at least a year.
"I'm a competitor and I don't like admitting defeat, but they got me good," said Bonds after his sentencing. "For the next year or so, I have the prospect of possibly having to hang out at home at some point for 30 days hanging over me. It's going to spoil every movie I watch until then, because I'll be wondering if I should have waited to watch it until my house arrest."
"You always hope for a full conviction on every charge," said federal prosecutor Jeff Nedrow. "But we did get him on the one that is by far the most embarrassing and the one people will talk about."
For having shrunken testicles, Bonds will receive the federally suggested jail time of zero days in jail. The judge did, however, suggest that everyone make fun of Bonds and point and laugh at him when they see him in the street.
"It is the opinion of this court," said judge Susan Illston, "that anyone who sees Mr. Bonds from this day forward should say stuff like: 'Ha-ha! You have small balls!' And: 'Hey, Mr. Tiny Balls!' And well, various iterations of those. Coming up with taunts about small testicles is not really my strength. Basically, just make fun of him for having iddy bitty testicles, okay?"