January 23, 2012

Video Ravens Fan Freaks Out, Gets Cursey and Throws His Friends Out

This seems staged. Ravens fans don't have friends.

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Filed Under   NFL   Baltimore Ravens
January 23, 2012

Video Billy Cundiff is Ray Finkle

Baltimore has lots of murder detectives. Not sure about pet detectives.

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Filed Under   NFL   Baltimore Ravens   Billy Cundiff
January 23, 2012

Video Tom Brady: Toughest Man to Ever Slide to the Ground

"I'll slide your ankles out, motherf—er!"

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January 23, 2012

Picture Tom Brady Will Always Love the Billy Cundiff Goat

He won't let it be slaughtered, as the Patriots might play the Ravens again next year.

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January 22, 2012

Picture Billy Cundiff Jersey ... ON FIRE!

So there's a Billy Cundiff jersey in existence other than the one Billy Cundiff wears?

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Filed Under   NFL   Baltimore Ravens   Billy Cundiff
January 20, 2012

Opinion 10 NFL Playoffs-Themed Drinks and How to Make Them

THE ROB GRONKOWSKI

Directions: Pop open a bottle of Cristal and pour it all over a famous porn star. Then drink the Cristal off of her or just have sex with her or drink the champagne off or her while having sex with her. Violently spike the bottle on the ground when done.

THE BILL BELICHICK

Directions: Fill up a cocktail shaker with bleach and gasoline. Shake well. Splash the mixture into the face of someone nearby. Set it on fire. Then laugh.

THE VERNON DAVIS

Directions: Fill a glass to the top with Champagne. Then weep into it to taste.

THE JOE FLACCO

Directions: Show up at a cocktail party with an expired can of Keystone Light. Then complain if no one gives you credit for supplying the booze and making the party awesome.

THE ELI MANNING

Directions: Fill a sippy cup with Juicy Juice. Then ask your mom if it's okay to have juice or if you should instead have milk or water. Pour out the Juicy Juice and have milk. Let milk sit while you watch the first 10 minutes of Sponge Bob. Then drink.

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January 18, 2012

Opinion NFL Playoffs Stars and Their High School Equivalents

Tom Brady = The Rich, Handsome Kid

He has it all. He's rich, he has the nicest clothes and the hottest girlfriend in school (although his clothes are a bit on the dandy side). Everyone hates him. Because everyone wishes they were him.

Eli Manning = The Dork in Bloom

Every moment of his elementary and middle school years were spent stuffed inside a locker, getting his underwear pulled over his head or having spitballs shot at his face. He was the biggest dork in the entire grade. But suddenly he's starting to come into his own. He's made a few sports teams. Girls are starting to notice him. Who knows, he might even grow up to be the richest and most successful graduate in his whole class.

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January 17, 2012

Picture Ravens Fans Remain Quite Confident

No reason not to be confident when your offense runs through the capable hands of Joe Flacco.

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Filed Under   NFL   Baltimore Ravens
January 13, 2012

News Joe Flacco Confident He Has What It Takes to Knock the Ravens Out of the Playoffs Again

A confident and defiant Joe Flacco sounded off to the media yesterday, claiming he is a far better quarterback than he is portrayed to be.

"I don't get any credit for what I've done," said Flacco, Baltimore's starter since 2008. "Just look at my track record. Every year Baltimore has had a star running back, big-name receivers and one of the NFL's best defenses. Yet I single-handedly knocked the Ravens out of the playoffs in 2008, 2009 and 2010. No one else did that. I did. But I don't get any respect."

Flacco's statements are backed up by fact. In the AFC Championship Game at the end of his rookie year, Flacco went 13-for-30 for 130 yards, an 18.2 quarterback rating and 3 interceptions, including a game-clinching pick-six to Troy Polamalu. A year later in the playoffs, Flacco was 24-for-45 for 223 yards, 0 touchdowns and 3 interceptions over two games. Last year Flacco stepped up again, knocking Baltimore out of the playoffs with a 2-turnover, 125-yard performance in Pittsburgh in the divisional round.

"You don't want to face Joe Flacco in the playoffs," said Flacco. "Not if he's wearing the same uniform as you are. I'll destroy you. That's just how I roll. But all you hear about is Aaron Rodgers and Tom Brady and Drew Brees and Tim Tebow. Guess what? I've beaten the Ravens more than all of those guys have combined!"

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Filed Under   NFL   Baltimore Ravens   Joe Flacco
January 12, 2012

Picture Joe Flacco Will Creep You Out if You're Not Kind to Animals

He relates to dogs because he is equally intelligent.

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Filed Under   NFL   Baltimore Ravens   Joe Flacco